Can I be honest for a moment or two? Well over a year ago I started this blog. I felt impassioned and knew without a doubt that this is what God wanted me to do. He inspired me and encouraged me personally and through others to pursue my lifelong dream of wanting to write...and what better topic than sharing my faith walk with others.
So began a journey that took me down roads of personal reflection and spiritual growth. I feel like I've built a community with those across the globe who read my blog...my randomness. Just saying "across the globe" is in and of itself pretty amazing when I really think about it.
Recently, however, I've been plagued with doubts about whether what I am doing is really making a difference. Does anyone really care about what I have to say? Am I truly reflecting God's thoughts or am I merely mining from my own words? The newness and the accolades have long worn off and I find myself in a personal sea of doubt and lack of direction. Do I keep persevering or do I give up and throw in the towel?
It didn't help that after last week's post there were no comments. I always have said that I write to an audience of One...but my humanness creeps in and I admit to seeking approval or at least acknowledgement from those who read what I write. I know, pretty self-absorbed. Combined with some slow readership weeks, I began to doubt myself, my skill as a writer, my voice as a Christian, my purpose. Yes, I guess I was having my own little meltdown. I was ready to give up...put down the pen...throw in the towel...quit.
I prayed to God and asked Him what He wanted me to do? As is often the case, God was silent. Nothing clear was coming. I just managed to wallow deeper in my puddle of confusion. I read scripture and nothing resonated with me or gave me an "Ah-hah!" moment.
Yesterday, Thursday (my usual day to post) I had a bad day...I mean a REALLY BAD DAY! It was a Murphy's law - if it can go wrong, it will today - kind of day. I felt grouchy, melancholy, frustrated, fatigued and fed up with life. The last thing I felt like doing was writing an inspirational blog post. I felt far from inspired and so I just let my laptop sit. "Go ahead...collect dust. See if I care," I said to my computer with disdain. Bedtime couldn't come soon enough.
This morning I got up at my usual 5 am. and had my quiet time and devotions time. I felt half-hearted at best. My laptop beckoned. Ok, let's look at some unimpressive numbers I thought. I opened up an "overview" graph on my blog that tracks the number of pageviews on my blog by the day, week, month, etc. There amidst a Sahara desert flat line of pageviews, stood the Mt. Everest of daily pageviews. On Thursday, April 24 (my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day) my blog registered the highest day ever in visits to my blog. The total was three times my previous high.
Immediately, I knew that God was telling me, "Don't give up!" There was no other explanation other than God was emphatically whispering..."press on...don't give up now." Just because my plans and expectations had been sidetracked, didn't mean that God's had been. His timing is always perfect. His will cannot be thwarted. He, indeed, is sovereign. Even in my desert experiences, I need to abide in Him and wait upon Him for whatever He chooses to orchestrate through me. I learned that giving up is like giving up on God and He is so much more faithful than that!
We all need encouragement to press on. If you could, would you share a time when you know that God was encouraging you not to give up...but to instead press on? We need to know your story...it matters!!
Thank God, and thank you for your faithfulness!
In His love,
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