Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Breaking The Grip of Perfectionism

Hey Friend,
While going through some boxes in the attic, I came across an aged and yellowed article from my old college newspaper.  In the feature were pictures of five young women, myself included, who were up for voting for Homecoming Queen.  Underneath my picture - the essence of a fresh-faced all American girl - was a list of all the organizations I belonged to and held leadership roles in.  It was followed by the various honor societies I belonged to.  I was even up for the award of College Woman of the Year.
One would think I had it all together...the picture perfect life. Actually, inside I was a massive ball of insecurities.  I had bought into the lie that in order to be worthy, I had to earn it.  My value as a person was based on other peoples' views of me.  By my early thirties I had accumulated such a resume of achievements that I literally came apart at the seams. 
Learning to insert the TRUTH where lies held sway for so long, became the truth that set me free.
Perfectionism, born out of insecurity, is a nasty, legalistic game.
But what about just wanting to do a job well I hear you asking?  Doesn't God want us to give our very best in whatever it is that we do?  Don't we all wish to hear some day, "Well done good and faithful servant"?
Yes, indeed.  But what is my motivation?  What is my starting point for wanting to do a good job?  I do believe that I possess the spiritual gift of Administration, but I was using my gifts and talents - not to glorify God - but to satisfy some lacking sense of self worth.  This is not God's desire for us.
There is a job well done and then there's perfectionism. 
My theory is that behind every perfectionist is a false identity and given time, that false identity is bound to unravel.
So...how to break the grip of perfectionism??
Start at the beginning.  What is it exactly that declares me worthy?
"Therefore, being declared righteous by faith (not works), we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."  (Romans 5:1)
Definitions for "Righteous" include words like: just, pure, holy
Truth be told, you can't get more perfect than being just, pure and holy.
Note the key point - that righteousness does not come from our own works, it comes through Christ and His death on the cross for me.
Christ is my Righteousness.
Jehovah Tsidkenu = Our righteousness.
Somewhere in the depths of my soul I knew this to be true, but the enemy and the world are so adept at selling you/me a bunch of lies that if we are not aware and armed with Truth, we are tempted to buy into them. 
I love this quote I found in a recent post by Melissa Michaels:  "To be a fully devoted follower of Christ, we have to be willing to surrender the preoccupation with our needs, our weakness, our agenda, and our own insecurities so we can remember our purpose to show love to the world and rest in our identity found in Christ."
Letting go of lies and taking hold of Truth can and does break the grip of perfectionism. 
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  (Psalm 139:14)
When the lies begin to creep in...and they will...I need to meditate on God's truth about me.
You shall know the Truth, and the truth shall make you free. (John 8:32)
I guess you could call me a "recovering perfectionist"...a member of "perfectionists anonymous".  Hello, my name is Bev and I am a perfectionist.
We all have perfectionistic tendencies, but on a scale of 1 - 10, I'd say I used to be a 10. 
Thankfully through scripture, trials, prayer, mentors, and yes, falling apart...I have learned to rest in my TRUE identity that can only be found in Christ.  Anything else is a cheap imitation.  I am a work in progress, but the Truth is traveling from "head knowledge" to being "heart knowledge".  If God can do this for me, He can do this for you too!
Do you struggle with perfectionism to any degree?  If so would you pray with me?
Lord, I thank you that you alone are my righteousness.  I am not worthy because of anything that I have done, but solely because of what you have done which is dying on the cross for me.  Enable me to know in my heart that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that you delight in me simply because I am Yours.  Let me not settle for lies and imitations. Let me be set free by your Truth. In Jesus name, Amen.
In His love,
Bev
Welcome to the Fearfully and Wonderfully Made Club :)


ps.  If you would like for me to pray specifically for you, please don't hesitate to contact me...be blessed!

17 comments:

  1. Bev, this was me too when I was in my twenties, although I didn't have the list of accolades you had. ;-) Actually, I partied through much of college. Continue speaking the truth, my friend. There are women who need to hear what you have to say. I am one of them. Much love to you and {hugs}.

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    1. Abby,
      I had my share of fun in college too...thanks so much for your love and encouragement! You're the best!
      Love and ((hugs)),
      Bev

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  2. Hello friend. Thinking of you right now and praying for God to speak to your beautiful heart . . . for Him to make known His plans for you for today. For Him to take away those doubts and for you to only hear His truth that your words matter. I think about what you shared here today on how it's always a matter of the condition of our hearts. Thankfully, He is in the business of heart transformations. Bev, I have always been thankful for how you share your heart because you ALWAYS point us back to Him. Our pastor said these words this past Sunday: Our purpose is to know God and to make Him know. You friend, make Him known. And the way you make him known here leads me to believe you are living out His calling. I love you and am so grateful for you. Sending hugs across this world-wide web to you today.
    Much love.
    xoxo

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    1. Beth,
      Whenever I am feeling discouraged, your words are a healing balm. I do pray that my words will always point others back to Him. Thank you so much for your continuing love and encouragement!
      Much love and ((hugs)),
      Bev

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  3. Oh my spelling errors . . . "Our purpose is to know God and to make Him known."

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  4. I haave perfectionist tendencies myself, Bev. And yes, I recognize that I feel I have to live up to certain expectations, mainly ones I'm setting myself! I'm slowly learning to let go of perfect and relax in God's love and sufficiency. So much more peaceful than always striving to do better and better. :-)

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    1. So perfectionist that I have to hit reply because I see I have a typo up there! It's have not haave!!!

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    2. Betsy,
      I'm sorry, I had to smile about your urge to fix a typo...been there done that :) Why do we set these crazy, unrealistic expectations for ourselves when God does none of the kind?? It's a tough act to break...but oh so freeing when we do! Cheering you on!!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  5. Hi Bev,

    You have been on my mind quite a bit. Thank you for your blog. You always give me food for thought, and challenge me to think. I am a recovering perfectionist. I know now I am okay if I make a mistake, and I am still loveable if I make a mistake. If other people don't like me if I show who I am, it's okay, not everyone will approve of me.

    But, I have found the freedom to apologize, to love on someone else who apologizes to me. I found when I gave up perfection, I could better accept the frailties of other people. A woman came up to me to apologize this past weekend, and could immediately forgive her, and found I could find delight in her, and just really like her! I used to hold a grudge from hurts.

    I used to think perfectionism meant "to do my best." I have come more and more to realize that Jesus redeems everything, our mistakes, wrong thoughts, attitudes, etc. He won't let us stay the way we are, but will make good from everything! My mistakes especially with my daughter from her growing up years. He will bring good from it. Yes, yes, yes! I now really try, (and I have not arrived even close) to pay attention to my thoughts and change them if they are false, lies from evil one, not reality, and change them into Truth. It's a work in progress.......

    ((Hugs and love)) my friend,

    Joanne

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    1. Joanne,
      Your honestly and realness is such a breath of fresh air!! I have known many "recovering perfectionists" who have let go of striving for perfection in order to be loved with Jesus' perfect love. So thankful that He can bring good from even our worst mistakes...He is truly our Redeemer! I, too, have been lamenting mistakes I have made, but am getting better at laying them at the foot of the cross. We are ALL works in progress. Thanks, as always, for sharing here...I love hearing from you!!
      Love and ((hugs)),
      Bev

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  6. Inspiring blog post! Thank you...

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    1. Jennifer,
      So glad you stopped by...know you are always welcome here!!
      Blessings,
      Bev

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  7. There is nothing good about perfectionism. I agree that there is a false identity tied up in it. This is something we are currently praying for revelation for in my life: what exactly do I believe I can get from perfectionist tendencies that I cannot get from God? Thank you for sharing your experience, welcome to the Recovering Perfectionists Club ;)

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    1. MB,
      It's taken a LONG time, but I've realized that chasing after perfection is never-ending, exhausting way of living. God wants us to live in freedom and for me that meant relying on Jesus' perfection and not my own. So thankful that God sees me through the blood of His Son Jesus Christ and in that I am made perfect...and that alone. Praying for you MB that you will be able to hand over the perfectionistic tendencies!
      Blessings and ((hugs)),
      Bev

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