Thursday, April 9, 2015

The Journey From Head to Heart Knowledge

Hey Friend,
 
Sometimes I am disappointed that my "testimony" is...well...boring.  I have no dramatic stories of hitting rock bottom on drugs or alcohol.  I wasn't a runaway teen who got pregnant.  I have no story of God scraping me off the bottom of the barrel and suddenly seeing the light.  Though I celebrate these miraculous stories...it isn't my story.
 
I grew up in the church.  For as long as I can remember, we went to church every Sunday unless we were deathly ill.  I'd be sitting in the car, in the driveway, with my dad, with the engine running.  Impatiently he would ask, "What on earth is your mother doing?"  This was the Sunday morning routine.  In Sunday school I learned all the famous Bible stories.  As I grew older I was involved with youth group and choir and confirmation class.  Church is where I went every Sunday and Wednesday. I was the "good girl"...or a goody two shoes as we were known as back then.
 
I knew that Jesus was born in Bethlehem in a manger, that he grew up in the church, that he taught and performed many miraculous signs, and he ultimately died on the cross for my sins.  The only problem was, it was all "head" knowledge.  I knew the truth, but it didn't set me free.  I still tried as hard as I could to be good enough in God's eyes in my own strength. 
 
Someone said to me that it is more difficult to be saved from a place of pride than from a place of desperation with nowhere to turn.
 
But, wait, I wasn't prideful.  I wasn't haughty or arrogant or rude.  No, but I didn't have a full grasp of my need for a Savior.  I didn't commit heinous crimes; I did good deeds. Even in college I never "colored too far outside the lines".  What I didn't realize was that perfectionism, striving, trying to be good enough, trying to be perfect, are all rooted in the same thing - pride.  I somehow thought I had to earn my salvation or add to what Jesus had already done for me.  It wasn't about Him, it was about me.
 
When we fail to realize that, through Christ, not through ourselves, that it is "finished", we only have head knowledge. 
 
Even my view of God was askew.  I could relate to Jesus smiling in my Sunday school books, beckoning the little children to come to him.  But, God...I transferred my human understanding of a father onto him.  My dad, though a wonderful provider, was a disciplinarian.  He was a no-nonsense kind of guy who could often be critical.  There weren't a whole lot of warm fuzzies so I had trouble grasping that God delighted in me.  I had a healthy sense of fear of my dad and I transferred that onto God.
 
Jesus, however, I was smitten with.  When I was 13 years old in summer camp, I wandered away from the campfire.  Lying on my back and gazing at a sky filled with thousands of stars, I knew I needed His love, Jesus' love, in my life.  His was the love that I had so longed for. I invited Him into my heart.
 
That night head knowledge began its journey toward my heart.
 
Fast forward to the birth of my first child.  I was so looking forward to the birth of this baby.  We had waited four years after being married and were ready to welcome this miracle into our family.  What I didn't count on was that I would be slammed with a terrible case of post-partum depression.  It was also then that my OCD anxiety rocketed off the charts.  Depressed, anxious, not sleeping, not eating, in pure desperation I cried out to the Jesus of my Sunday school books. 
 
It was at this point, I recall crying into my pillow, "Jesus, help me!"  I knew I needed saving...I knew I needed a Savior.
 
I call this chapter in my faith, the chapter where the "rubber meets the road".  That day my faith took a big step closer to my heart.
 
Jesus answered in a big way.  I also started to believe Jesus' claim - that if you have seen me (Jesus) then you have seen my Father. God's essence is lovingkindness!
 
I could write a novel of the trials I've been through...further bouts with OCD/depression, secondary infertility, divorce, cancer scare, multiple surgeries...
 
Each time I called out to Jesus and once I knew I had God's love through the sacrificial offering of His son, I began to realize that I didn't have to keep earning God's love.  Each time, my faith took steps away from my head and toward my heart.
 
I have come to truly appreciate the verse Hebrews 12:2:
 
"fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith."
 
My faith didn't even begin with me...it was a gift from Jesus.  In Hebrew, the translation for "perfecter" means "completer" or "finisher".  Jesus, as God, is the one who creates and sustains and finishes my faith.
 
When I depend on Jesus, He continues to guide my head knowledge to my heart.
 
"He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  (Philippians 1:6)
 
I take heart that the journey to heart knowledge is a process and in the process lies the promise of completion by our Savior.  My salvation was secured on the cross when Christ said, "It is finished."  And my faith, which Christ began, will be finished on the day when He returns.
 
Like Jesus had no way of detouring around the cross (He had to go through it), we have fears to face and trials to go through.  We can't detour around them; we have to go through them.  The miracle is, that as we go through them our faith will take one step away from our head, and one step closer toward our heart.
 
Lord, I thank you so much for the gift of faith that you began in me and for your promise that you will be faithful to complete it.  Help me to set aside my striving and my trying to be good enough in your eyes and to realize that God sees me as perfect through your blood that was shed on the cross.  Truly it is finished.  In the process of my faith being perfected, let me come to depend more and more on you.  You, and you alone are my Savior.  In Jesus' name I pray.  Amen
 
 
be blessed...

 
ps.  Update on Redeemer Christian School:  For safety reasons I am hesitant to put too much information out on social media.  Let me just say that we are in desperate need of financial support.  Out of fear for their lives, many Christians have had to abandon their jobs.  Our school's director who depended on his income and savings (along with our support) from another job to support the school, now has no financial means to support himself or the school. For now, it is up to us.  We need financial help to enable him to secure a foreign work visa as well as funds to see to the ongoing expenses of the school.  The children are safe, but if you would PLEASE pray for the safety of our director and the school and for a way to be made for him to secure an income, I would be so grateful. If you are able...and time is of the essence...please send a donation to keep the school afloat. I know our God is able to bring beauty from these ashes of evil, violence, and terror.
 
Send check or money to:  Bev Rihtarchik/RCS
                                           103 Silver Lining Lane
                                           Cary, NC  27513
 
This is something tangible we CAN do to combat the evil that is rampant in our world.  The orphaned and impoverished children at RCS need our help...thanks!
 

16 comments:

  1. Bev...I'd say you have an amazing testimony. Yes...pride is hard to see and even harder to release. Keep going forth in Him. You are a great writer and story teller too! Glad to connect with you via #RaRaLinkUp and will check you out on FB too! Blessings...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yolanda,
      Thanks for popping by, Yolanda. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. You're right, pride is sneaky and not easily released. You're also right, that any testimony that leads to turning things over to Christ, is a "good" testimony. I look forward to seeing you on FB...
      Blessings,
      Bev

      Delete
  2. Hi Bev!

    Visiting you from you from last week's #RaRaLinkup! Thank you for sharing this. I especially appreciated this point:

    "What I didn't realize was that perfectionism, striving, trying to be good enough, trying to be perfect, are all rooted in the same thing - pride."

    SO true. And I didn't find your testimony "boring!" Every time Jesus can get a heart from "me" to "His" is amazing, and a place of head knowledge can be just as hard to move from as one of desperation! I've noticed it seems that those who are humbled from head knowledge to heart transformation often struggle less with pride later. Those of us who come from a place of desperation, though "humble" in our need, often struggle more with pride after salvation because it can feel like "we found our own way." : ) Blessings and struggles either way -but all good in our Lord!!

    Blessings to you and looking forward to your next post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Bethany,
      Welcome...so glad you stopped by from the linkup! You are so right when you say that every time Jesus can get a heart from "me" to "His" it is amazing. Appreciated your insights on our different pathways to transformation. Truly, there are blessings and struggles either way and we keep being works in progress :)
      Blessings to you,
      Bev xx

      Delete
  3. I loved your turning point when your head knowledge started traveling to your heart. I love how God pursues us and keeps coming back to walk this journey of life with us. You do have a powerful testimony and in your discovery that God did love you through the sacrifice of His son Jesus you have learned about love and how to work through the challenges of life. I am thankful you shared these beautiful words today. Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary,
      I take heart in knowing, like you said, that God continues to pursue us...His love is furious. So thankful that He kept after me and will keep after those who yet, do not know Him. Thank you for your words of encouragement!
      Blessings,
      Bev

      Delete
  4. Your faith walk does not sound a bit boring to me! Sometimes the most amazing AHA moments come in the ordinary. I remember doing a Beth Moore study and I was full of anxiety that day. She challenged her reader to lie face down on the floor each day to pray. That day, I poured my heart out to him and after a few moments, it felt as though someone physically laid a blanket across my shoulders. I remember immediately pushing myself off the floor to look. I was filled with an amazing peace. All in a quiet bible study moment. The world needs your testimony too. Thank you for fearlessly sharing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Samantha,
      I did that Beth Moore study and I find that some days I have to go face down before the Lord and He is so faithful to hear our prayers and surround us with His peace. I know that any faith walk that ends in knowing Christ as our Savior is not boring...but thank you for your encouragement in my sharing...
      Blessings,
      Bev

      Delete
  5. How true is this: "Someone said to me that it is more difficult to be saved from a place of pride than from a place of desperation with nowhere to turn." I was just thinking of that, but I didn't know how to verbalize it. Well said! Cheering you on from the #RaRalinkup on Purposeful Faith!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kelly,
      Welcome! Love being part of your #RaRalinkup...great ladies there! God has opened my eyes and peeled back layers in order to show me the pride from which I needed saving. Pride can be as cumbersome as disobedience, addiction, etc. We ALL need saving in one form or another. Thanks for coming to cheer me on!!
      Blessings,
      Bev

      Delete
  6. Love this post, especially this quote, "When I depend on Jesus, He continues to guide my head knowledge to my heart." ❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beth,
      It's been a slow journey, but God has been faithful to continually guide my head knowledge to a burning heart knowledge. So thankful that He has been patient with me...we serve an awesome God!! Thanks for the encouragement!
      Blessings,
      Bev

      Delete
  7. Yet your story is powerful and inspiring nonetheless. Thank you so much for sharing. I would love for you to consider sharing your story on Hope Day Wednesday at Embracing. Blessings to you! - xoxo, Letetia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Letetia,
      Thank you so much for stopping by and for your encouragement!! I am always happy to share my story...just contact me about the details...Blessings to you this day!
      Bev ((hugs))

      Delete
  8. Hi Bev,
    I'm your neighbor at Holley's link-up today and it's so nice to visit back at your online home! You have an incredibly rich story of God meeting you in your times of need and his pursuit of your heart just to be near you! I too grew up in church and felt like I don't have a dramatic story to tell others, but to me, God's pursuit of me is so beautiful because I didn't know (despite all the years in church) that I could experience him like this. He continually shows me new ways to know him. I love reading about your walk with him, Bev! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Valerie,
      So glad to be your neighbor again! You are so right when you say God's pursuit of us is so beautiful. It's amazing how He continues to draw us into new and exciting ways of knowing Him that set our hearts ablaze!!
      Thanks for sharing your faith walk here...and to know I'm not alone.
      Blessings to you Valerie,
      Bev

      Delete

I would really LOVE to hear from you!! Your thoughts, opinions, suggestions and prayer requests mean a lot to me.