Thursday, June 18, 2015

When Quoting Scripture Can Be Like Salt In The Wound

Hey Friend,
 
I have had a long and unending season of pain in my foot.  I had surgery on it over a year ago when I decided I had had enough of the pain. I developed a rare, post-operative nerve condition and have had a series of excruciating injections attempting to kill the nerve.  I have prayed.  My family and friends have prayed for healing.  After a short period of less pain I began having intermittent bursts of radiating pain in my foot again.  They make it very difficult and painful to walk.  To say that I am sick of this is an understatement.  It's been almost two years of pain. 
 
I know that people care and are well meaning, but when a few people quoted Joshua 1:9 to me in an attempt to encourage me, it ended up feeling more like salt in the wound.
 
"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."  (Joshua 1:9) 
 
It's a great verse, when used in the right context.  In this situation it just made me feel worse.  I felt guilty because I definitely was discouraged and I certainly didn't feel strong and courageous.
 
In an attempt to learn more, I looked up the first chapter of Joshua (from which this verse was taken) which talks about Joshua being installed as the next leader after Moses.  I wanted to know the context of why this was said and by whom. 
 
In the eight verses preceding Joshua 1:9, the Lord, himself, is telling Joshua that He will give Joshua every place where he sets his foot.  God elaborates on how great the territory is going to be that He will deliver into Joshua's hands. He tells Joshua that no one will be able to stand against him all the days of his life because He (God) will be with Joshua just as He was with Moses.   God promises Joshua that He will lead him and His people to inherit the land He swore to their ancestors. 
 
After that pep talk, by God himself, of promises about victories, God delivers the line found in Joshua 1:9.
 
If, after hearing all that, I think even I could muster some strength and courage and not be afraid or discouraged.
 
Does that mean that we shouldn't quote scripture in an attempt to encourage the down trodden?  No, but I think that we really need to use wisdom and discernment about the verses we choose and the timing of those verses. 
 
It made me think about all the times that, I too, have plucked scriptures (often out of context) and thrown them out there.  Why? 
 
I think because I sincerely wanted to encourage someone and wanted to ease their pain.  Honestly, though, I think it is hard for me/us to be around those who are really hurting or grieving.  It makes us uncomfortable because we don't know what to do or say.  Here in America, people like to "fix" things and when we can't fix it, we often resort to what we feel is the next best thing, which is to quote scripture or say something like:
 
 
*Telling others to just be thankful that (and then name something worse)
 
*Encouraging others to "count their blessings"
 
*Offering platitudes that are cliché
 
*Telling them "it's all in God's will"
 
*Telling them that God won't give them any more than they can handle

(It's good to remember to be thankful and count our blessings...and to know our lives are in Sovereign hands, but how well timed is the reminder? Hmmm....)
 
 
Really, when you get right down to it, we can be downright insensitive.
 
So what, then, are we to do?
 
For that answer, I like to look at "what did Jesus do?"...
 
We enter the scene...Jesus has just traveled to see the sisters, Mary and Martha.  They are distraught with grief because their brother Lazarus (who is described as the one whom Jesus loved) has died.  The whole town is in mourning over the loss and the sisters are looking to Jesus for comfort. 
 
Jesus, who is the only man in history that could truly "fix" things, does something much more poignant and moving instead.  He doesn't quote scripture to Mary and Martha and the mourners; He doesn't tell them to count their blessings or offer platitudes.  No, there at the grave of Lazarus, Jesus' tender and affecting manner is overcome with compassion and grief...and what does He do?  He weeps.
 
Perhaps the shortest, but most powerful verse in the Bible is: Jesus wept.
 
Jesus set his own pride and interests aside, allowed himself to feel what the mourners felt, and then He wept with them.
 
The next thing Jesus did was pray to His Heavenly Father.  Then, as the triune God, He raised Lazarus from the dead. 
 
He "fixed" the situation last, but the first thing He did was to weep.
 
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.  Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly (in humbler condition).  Do not be wise in your own estimation.  (Romans 12: 15-16)
 
* We are to share commonality in other's joys and sorrows
 
* Like Jesus, we are to be tender and affectionate toward one another
 
* Remember: It diminishes one's sorrow when others are sympathizing with you
 
* Enter into each others' circumstances in order to try to see how you would feel
 
* Don't condescend
 
Jesus had the power to fix it...to make it all better... yet He wept.
 
I think we would do well to follow Jesus' example. 
 
Jesus, I'm sure, was silent.  No words were uttered.  He probably held his friends and simply shared in their pain.  Sometimes actions are needed more than words. Jesus was just there for them.
 
When offering words of scripture, also do what Jesus did.  First He prayed.  Ask the Holy Spirit for discernment for what is about to come out of your mouth or from your pen onto the page.  Pray with your friend who is hurting.  Then commit to continuing to pray for them.
 
Pray for God to strengthen them, to help them, and to uphold them.  For these are promises God mas made to those who are suffering. 
 
Model Jesus to them...
 
Dear Lord, Thank you for your promise that you are always with us, even in our suffering.  When others are suffering around me, help me to be like Jesus - to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.  Jesus set the ultimate example.  Help me to follow it, especially in times when I'm not sure what to do.  Help me to walk, if even for a short time, in another's shoes.  Let me be a fountain that pours out Jesus' love on others.  In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. 

Be blessed...
 


ps.  Since I initially wrote this post, I saw one of the leading foot surgeons in this area, only to get the news that the probability of "fixing" the problem is slim at best and that further surgery could result in worse pain.  To say that this is disheartening is an understatement.  I know that God is still in the business of miracles and that is what I'm praying for.  I would certainly appreciate any prayers you would offer on my behalf...thanks!

pps: Update Redeemer Christian School:  About 20 more children are seeking refuge at our school (we currently serve 30).  We want, and need, to be able to offer hope to these precious children as well.  Did you know that $10/month (or $120 over 1 year) will pay for one child to benefit from an education and the love they will receive at RCS??  That's all it takes to get them off the streets and into the classroom.  Soon we will be providing profiles of specific impoverished children who need your help, so in the meantime would you please give it some prayerful thought as to whether God is calling you to sponsor a child in order to give them an education, hope, and Jesus' love?

If you would like to join us in our mission and contribute to RCS...

Send checks to:  Bev Rihtarchik (put RCS in the memo line)
                            103 Silver Lining Lane
                            Cary, NC  27513

* Note: RCS is not yet a registered 501c3 non-profit organization (for tax credit purposes).  It will take many dollars in legal aid to do this and our priority right now is the children.

22 comments:

  1. Amen! Amen! So many times we are not open to the words of fixing until we feel the heart of understanding. Yes! I agree. Great, great words. Cheering you on from the #RaRalinkup on Purposeful Faith.

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    1. Kelly,
      I love how you have summed up my post...right on target..."So many times we are not open to the words of fixing until we feel the heart of understanding." Thanks, as always, for your wonderful support and encouragement!!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  2. Amen, Bev. There is so much truth and wisdom in this post. I am sorry people to hear people have been insensitive toward what you are going through, friend. I am praying for you today and asking that God wrap his loving arms around you. I am reminded of Job's friends, who after everything was taken from him simply sat with him and said nothing. May we be mindful and compassionate, using Jesus as our example. Thank you, friend.

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    1. Abby,
      I know that people truly do mean well and I look at the heart behind the words. It has made me think, however, about what comes out of my mouth sometimes?! Thank you so much for your loving prayers - I feel their power. Thank you, as well, for your compassionate heart. When we use Jesus as our example we can't go wrong!
      Love and blessings to you,
      Bev

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  3. Dear Bev, I join you in prayers too for a divine healing. I am so sorry about your foot.

    Compassion like Jesus, requires wisdom. If I don't know what words to say, I just listen to those who are hurting, give a hug or a pat on the back. We never can tell when our so called "compassionate words" do more harm than good. I have read that recently in Susan Mead's blog too.

    Wisdom in using the scriptures is needed. I pray for that today.

    God Bless dear Bev and have a restful weekend

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    1. Ifeoma,
      Thank you so much for your kind prayers...I truly appreciate them!! I have definitely been convicted about my "compassionate words" and how and when they are offered. I can tell you have a tender and considerate heart! You have a great weekend too...
      Blessings,
      Bev

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  4. Bev, I so agree with you...when I'm praying with my dear friend and accountability partner, we can both quote Scriptures to each other in our time of deep need, and we hear each others' hearts...but when it comes from someone in a dismissive get-over-it manner, it is hurtful. Many blessings to you ❤️

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    1. Beth,
      I agree...we have certain friends with whom we can quote scripture in times of deep need. I think that is a privilege that is earned over time and trust. Knowing someone's heart is knowing their intent. Great insight!
      Blessings to you,
      Bev xx

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  5. Great words here - scripture can be a source of great encouragement and hope,yet too often we wield it recklessly and without thoughtful prayer. Prayers for you in this difficult journey of pain. Praying for God to hold you tight, ease the pain and bring hope and encouragement through it all.

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    1. Kathryn,
      Thank you so much for your prayers...they are truly appreciated! I totally agree that scripture has the power to be tremendously encouraging if we do not "wield it recklessly"! Well put!
      Blessings,
      Bev

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  6. Oh, I'm so sorry about your foot- and about the discouraging news. Thank you for this post. This is a bad habit among Christians- and it's hurting our testimony, for sure. Our interactions, especially when ministering to one in pain, should always be spirit-led and preceded by prayer. I truly appreciate how you are learning from your experience and encouraging others. May God's hand of comfort be upon you.

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    1. Karen,
      Yes, this definitely has been a learning experience for me and has made me really think twice about what comes out of my mouth sometimes. It not only looks bad on me, but like you said, on Christians in general. Amen to letting our interactions be Spirit-led and preceded by prayer. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement!
      Blessings,
      Bev

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  7. Jesus wept. Yes He did and so do I with you. May God, The Great Physicain, place His mighty healing hand upon you to deliver His healing touch. Because I care and will join with you in prayer for healing. In Jesus' name. Amen

    Thank you for joining the dance each week Bev. Hugs. Susan

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    1. Susan,
      Thank you SO much for caring and for praying for healing for my foot. I know that if God does not remove the pain, He will give me the grace to endure it. It lifts me up to know that others are praying for me...thanks for your kindness!! So glad I found your site and joined the dance!!
      Blessings,
      Bev

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  8. You speak such truth today about how we try to make others feel better with scripture. We are well meaning but sometimes the other person probably just wants to slap us. (I mean that in the nicest way possible!) It is so easy to take God's word and make it fit our situation or someone else whether that was the original intention or not. When I would share with my mom, as situation that was devastating to me, she would always tell a story of someone who had it worse. I never appreciated those stories but understand now that everyone has difficulties and it is only through God that we will make it through them.

    I am praying for you and your foot for relief from the pain. Hugs!

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    1. Mary,
      Don't you just "love" the someone else has it worse speech? We really do each other a disservice sometimes. Thankfully God cares about our pain and trials no matter how big or small they may be. He just wants us to draw near to Him in the process. Thank you so much for your kind prayers and I look forward to giving you a big hug in person at Allume!!
      Blessings and ((hugs)),
      Bev

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  9. Bev ... I so appreciate what you've said here, borne out of your own pain and experience. It's always grated on me to hear people lob Scripture verses, often out of context, at a suffering soul. To me, it's a misuse of God's Word and shows a real lack of understanding of what people truly need in times of numbing pain.

    Thank you for going there today. I do pray for healing for you. I do pray for peace. Right now ...

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    1. Linda,
      I like your verb "lob"! That's exactly what we do with scripture sometimes. May we all take time to pray and seek God's wisdom before the Word comes off the tips of our tongues. This was a hard, but I felt needed, post to write. Thank you so much for your prayers...they are a healing balm!
      Blessings,
      Bev

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    1. Estelle,
      I do not believe in spiritualists nor do I believe in spells. The only spirit that has the power to work good in our lives is the Holy Spirit. We gain the Holy Spirit as our continual guide and companion when we invite Jesus to come into our lives and into our heart as our Lord and Savior. I am praying right now that you will turn to the one source of goodness and truth...and that is to Jesus. He loves you dearly and wants to walk with you and cleanse you from all sin. Praying you will accept Him into your heart.
      Blessings to you,
      Bev

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  11. Heard a pastor who'd walked through cancer say, "People don't know what to say, and they open their mouth to prove it!" Gave me a good laugh. Having had cancer, I remember several horror stories shortly after my surgery. Better to be quiet and just say nothing! Praying for your foot pain.

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    1. Dear GrammaGrits (love this name!!!)
      I think that pastor hit the bulls eye when he made that comment. I will have to remember that one when I am over eager to open my mouth and stick my foot in! Good stuff :)
      Blessings,
      Bev

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