Friday, March 25, 2016

This I Know

Hey Friend,

I wish I could find the snapshot.  I can picture it vividly in my mind.  My mom snapped it of me and my best girlfriends playing our favorite game of "dress up" which was not "school", or "house" (though those were fun), but the ultimate little girl's dream..."wedding". 

After getting out the dress up clothes and bickering about who was going to get to be the "bride", we would go in search of the "lucky" (aka suckered) guy who got to be the groom.  This day it would be my friend's little brother Timmy Towner.  We would promise him a rousing game of tag afterward if he would simply play the part.  This is the beginning of my learning that boys could be easily duped lol.

That photograph captured glowing smiles and high hopes for the future.  Just like the silk multi-colored tulips I held in my hand as the bride, I had already started making my plans for the future.  My future was in my hands, after all, wasn't it?  Or so I thougt.

That notion stayed with me for a long time.  Go to school.  Get good grades.  Go to college.  Get a good job.  Marry Prince Charming.  Have children and live happily ever after.  That was the plan...sound familiar?

Then life happened and I started to learn that it wasn't exactly the bowl of cherries I thought it was going to be.  Oh there were great parts...good friends, good times, the gift of laughter, friendship, fellowship, and the beginning of my faith.  These, I had written into "my" plan.

The parts I know I wouldn't have written in were experiencing infidelity, then reconciliation, then more infidelity in my marriage; followed by a long, drawn out, painful divorce.  (Aren't divorce and painful synonymous?)  My dream of growing old with my husband was shattered. 

I know I wouldn't have written in the scare of the big "C".  No, that wasn't planned.  Nor was my visit to the emergency room of the psych hospital when I was so low and depressed I considered taking my own life.  No, I hadn't written that in.  The pre-diagnosis and treatment episodes with an anxiety disorder wouldn't have made the editing cut either.  Watching my youngest go down a prodigal path would have been cropped film on the cutting room floor.

The glowing bride holding the dusty silk tulips would never have envisioned this.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  (Matthew 5:4)

Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.  (Psalm 5b)

"Hear , O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help.  You turn my wailing (mourning) into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."  (Psalm 30:10-12)

The first scripture, above, comes from the Beatitudes.  Beatitudes means supreme blessedness.  It also connotes grace, bliss, even ecstasy.

I have never felt as close to God as I have through His comfort in my mourning.

In the center of the flame of the crucible of pain, I admit wondering, at times, if God was even there.  Yes, I've shaken my fist at Him.

Conversely, there was a bittersweet bliss...even ecstasy in the depth of His great comforting in my mourning.  When I could not even lift my head, He lifted my body and carried it forward one step at a time.  There was a closeness that is hard to put into words. 

Even though I doubted many a time, God was faithful to stay with me as I wept through the night and, He was faithful to bring joy in the morning. 

Hindsight is always 20/20, but when I look back at what God brought me through and how He removed my sackcloth and brought beauty from the ashes of my life, there are some undeniable truths that leap out...

*  God is indeed Good!  God is Love, and I can trust Love's heart!

*  God's got this and His script is the perfect script for my life.  His
    may be less about my happiness and more about me becoming more
    like his son Jesus!

*  I know He has Me...will never leave me nor forsake me...no mater
    what.

Going forward, there is still this undeniable desire for me to KNOW the script.  If I can't write it, I at least want to know what's coming.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to (acknowledge) him, and he will make your paths straight.  (Proverbs 3:5-6)

In the original Hebrew the verb for "make straight" is "yasar"

yasar = to do good, do right; to straighten out a crooked object.  Hammer evenly until smooth.

Oh, I've felt the hammering alright, and boy have I wanted to have understanding of what exactly was going on. 

But God, reassures me that, even though I may not understand, the hammering is straightening out and making my path straight and smooth. 

I may not have written in these painful parts of my story, but I am seeing and learning that they are there for a very distinct purpose. 

God has been teaching me obedience  and trust in following him...even when I don't know the outcome. 

But, THIS I KNOW...Jesus died for my sins and on the third day He rose from the grave - cancelling the debt of my sins forever.  Because of this I can live in loving relationship with Jesus and with my Heavenly Father and I know the end of the story...

Jesus will come again and when He does...I know He's coming for me!

This gives me hope to live the life He's planned for me...not the one I scripted.

What do you "know" when you look at your life?  Of what are you certain?  Are you content with not knowing the script if God does?

Dear Heavenly Father, May my heart sing to you and not be silent. You have clothed me in joy.  O, Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.  Not only do you comfort me in my mourning, but you remove the sackcloth and ashes and bring rejoicing in the morning.  You've given me glimpses of that kind of joy here on earth, but nothing will compare to the joy I will experience when you come again.  You have promised that tears and trials will cease and I will live in perfect loving relationship with you forever.  So very thankful that THIS....I KNOW...In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Be blessed and have a Joyous Easter...


ps.  In portions of the Middle East, having and reading the Bible is considered blasphemy and is often severely punished.  Look at these drawings by the children in Redeemer Christian School which is funded by Redeemer Christian Foundation, Inc.


                             
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26 comments:

  1. Happy Easter Bev! He has risen! And He has healing in his wings! Isn't it good to know that even though we experience many things we NEVER would have planned, He redeems it all. We always have hope. I love that Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning scripture from Psalm 30. Always encourages me at low points.

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    1. Betsy,
      Amen...He redeems it all! That is one of my very favorite verses and it brings hope knowing that joy (ultimately) is coming!
      A joyous Easter to you,
      Bev xx

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  2. Yes, yes. Comfort in our mourning. He meets us in those hitting bottom times. Where would we be without the God of all comfort ...

    Easter blessings to you, Bev ...

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    1. Linda,
      So thankful that no matter how low I go, His everlasting arms go deeper still. I don't know how I could "do" life without God?
      Blessings this Easter sweet friend,
      Bev

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  3. Hurtful circumstances (different from yours) brought me to a place where I, too, experienced a closeness with God that is impossible to put into words. I know just what you're talking about. Also, as you've described, my path has been smoothed and straightened by God a number of times. With each "hammering," I've learned more about faith, perseverance, patience, and self-control. I pray that with each future opportunity to be straightened out, I'll respond more submissively and with my focus on the joy set before me--in heaven. Thank you, Bev, for drawing our attention to that glorious day!

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    1. Nancy,
      It truly is a closeness that is hard to put into words. I am sorry for the hurtful circumstances you've endured, but I see a beautiful daughter of the King who has come from the ashes. Joining with you as we go through the hammering process...so glad I have come to know you along the way. You are a blessing to me!!
      Wishing you a Blessed Easter friend,
      Bev xo

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  4. Thank you for your shout of triumph today, demonstrating that Christ's work is greater than any sin done BY us or TO us!
    Happy Easter! He is risen indeed!

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    1. Michele,
      Shout of triumph...I like that! You concisely summed up my post in a sentence...may we all live to demonstrate Christ's work! Amen!
      Happy Easter to you Michele,
      Bev xx

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  5. I have always heard it is darkest before the dawn. Never understood what that meant until I went through my own darkness. There are certainly plenty of things I would have cut from my Life Script, if I were the one writing it; but each unplanned thing is definitely there for a reason. Happy Easter to you!

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    1. Mitzi,
      I agree, that phrase never meant much until I lived it. If we had cut the dark parts, I don't think that bright ones would have shone so gloriously. Joining with you in celebrating Christ triumphing over the dark script in our lives.
      Have a joyous Easter,
      Bev xx

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  6. Thank you for bravely sharing your story. I couldn't really fathom a future when I was growing up - the day to day conflicts wore me down. I too have shaken my fist at God especially when I felt as if I'd been given a horrible life script! But today I can indeed look back and see how God carried me! Blessings this Easter!

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    1. Carrie,
      So thankful we have a God who still loves us even when we've shaken our fist at Him. He knows our frailness as humans. Like you said...those are the times when God carries us in His everlasting arms of comfort.
      Have a blessed Easter Carrie,
      Bev

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  7. An honest and encouraging post. Thank you for sharing your faith.

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    1. Laura,
      Thanks for the encouragement. It's hard to be vulnerable, but if someone else can learn from my journey then to God be the glory!
      Blessings,
      Bev

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  8. I love being introduced to new words like "yasar". Oh Bev, I pray your vulnerability touches the lives of many women seeking God and desiring to believe He is there and love us no matter what. Thankful to stop by.

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    1. Stephanie,
      Thank you for appreciating my "word nerd" tendencies lol. That's why I write...I pray that my vulnerability and others seeing the beauty from the ashes that God has wrought will encourage others. So glad you stopped by! Welcome :)
      Blessings,
      Bev

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  9. Bev, a fellow word nerd!!! #30 at Messy Marriage today!

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    1. Susan,
      Welcome to "WNA" Word Nerds Anonymous lol. Thanks for popping over!! So good to have you here!
      Blessings,
      Bev

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  10. We do walk those aisles all dressed in a glowing gown with high hopes that our futures will be filled with the stuff of fairy tales. But God had and has a better plan for us, doesn't He, Bev?! I love your words, "I have never felt as close to God as I have through His comfort in my mourning." I can totally relate and say that it was all worth it to grow closer to the Lord. Great words, my friend!

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    1. Beth,
      It seems paradoxical that we would feel closest to God in our times of mourning, but that's what is so awesome about Him. He never leaves us comfortless...He comes to us. Growing closer to God is worth it...Amen!
      Blessings,
      Bev

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  11. beautifully written, bev. so many will relate deeply to your words and hopefully find the God of all comfort and love. blessings on your newlywedness!! btw, i'm coming to the south for the first time--other than So. California!-- for She speaks. I plan to be captivated!

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    1. Sue,
      Oh how I wish I was going to "She Speaks"...it's literally held right in my back yard. I will be joining my husband at a conference in the NC mountains or I'd be there. So good to have you here today!! Hope y'all enjoy your trip to the South!!
      Blessings,
      Bev

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  12. God has been pressing on my heart the joy that is found in mourning as well. I always enjoy reading more of your story, Bev. I thank God he always has the best plans for us, even when we don't see it at the time. Thanks for sharing. (hugs)

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    1. Beth,
      Ironic that joy is found in mourning. Or, perhaps, joy is so much sweeter after we have experienced a night of weeping?? In both, God ALWAYS has the best plan for us. Thank you as always for your encouragement!!
      ((Hugs)) back to you :)
      Bev

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  13. Bev, thank you for sharing your story and especially the parts that didn't turn out as you expected. Parts of my life haven't turn out as I dreamed but I know the areas God has asked me to sacrifice He has made up for and blessed me abundantly in other areas.

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    1. Rachel,
      You point out something really important...that even though we feel like we've maybe lost time in our sacrifice and suffering, God more than makes up for it in the blessings He pours out on us. Great insight!!
      Blessings sweet friend,
      Bev

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