Wednesday, April 26, 2017

For Those Of Us Who Are "Fixers"

Hey Friend,

You notice that I include myself in this title?  In fact, many times I am writing to myself (sounds better than talking to myself) and I invite you to listen in.

The greatest challenge that people, like myself, who try to "fix" situations or people run into is "waiting".  I believe if you are, by nature, one who tries to fix things, you are conversely one who is not so great at waiting.  Am I hitting a nerve with anyone?

When I am trying to be obedient and I am waiting and I don't see anything happening (from my vantage point), I get the misguided notion that just because I can't see it, nothing is going on.  What false thinking.  Being a "fixer" by nature, I think if I'm not "fixing" it then it won't get fixed.....I know, silly girl. I think this is a little, or not so little, thing called pride.

This pride will cause me to do other foolish things like take matters in my own hands or I try to run ahead of God.  These usually only lead to pain and frustration and many times sin.  I forget that God knows what is best for me and my life AND he knows what is best for others and their lives.  

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways SUBMIT to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I like this version because instead of saying "acknowledge" God, it goes one step further and says "submit" to God.  Submitting means that I place my will and purpose below that of God.

God has been teaching me many things about fixing and waiting.  Perhaps there are so many scriptures about waiting because we are called on to wait quite often and sometimes for long periods of time.

A friend of mine who attends Al-Anon classes has shared with me some of the things she's been learning about her adult child... especially when it comes to dealing with a loved one who is struggling in life and we feel a need or compulsion to help or to fix.

The Three C's:

1.  I didn't cause it (addiction, broken relationship, behavior, disobedience)

2.  I can't cure it (when things are broken they can only be cured by God's unbroken Word) - I added this second part.

3.  I can't control it (If I think I can control it, that's usually Pride talking - me again.)

Another helpful adage is this:

***STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE*****

What I understand this to mean is that I need to stay in my lane with God.  I need to concentrate on something I can do something about and that is - work on MY relationship with God.  

I need to let GOD work on the person in their lane beside me.  Their walk is between them and God and I need to quit trying to cross over the line and meddle in their lane.  I can certainly help if called upon, but I need to let God call the shots.

So here I am back to if I can't control or fix it....I need to wait on God.

Good friend and writer Jeanne Takenaka says, "The hardest seasons are those when we wait with no answer from God."

Yes, God can and will be silent sometimes for a purpose, but these truths I know:

1.  God is working in the waiting.  (Even when I can't see it)

2.  In waiting, God is stretching my "patience muscles".   Ouch!

3.  Prayer IS doing something.  It's doing the most important thing!

4.  God is MORE THAN ABLE to handle anyone or any situation.

5.  Often God works better alone (without our "help")

6.  God ALWAYS works for the good of those who love Him and for His glory (not ours).

I am learning that God is always hard at work moving and orchestrating things that I do not see.  I can't see Him working in someone's heart, for example.  All I know is that I can lift my prayers, not lean on MY understanding of the situation, and trust that God is certainly able.

God's got this (whatever or whomever "this" is).

In the meantime, my job is to wait, pray, and thank Him in advance for what He is about to perform.  

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
(Psalms 27:13-14)

Are you a "fixer" by nature?  In what situations is God calling you to submit to His knowledge and authority?  If you can't "fix" the situation, what would God have YOU work on?  Can you let go of your understanding and trust and wait on God?  Take a moment and lift your struggle up to Him....He's listening....

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me when, in wanting to see change, I pridefully run ahead of you or try to take matters into my own hands. Help me Lord, to submit my understanding to Your authority.  Help me to trust that you are in control and to take comfort in the fact that there are some things I just can't control.  Give me patience as I wait upon You Lord - trusting and knowing that you are more than able and that you've got this under control.  Help me to "stay in my lane" and concentrate on MY relationship with you.  Make me an expectant prayer warrior who gives thanks for what you can do.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Be blessed...


ps.  Would you please pray for me as I will be having my 4th surgery in 5 years?  This is a more complicated surgery to try to correct an unsuccessful bunion surgery from 3 years ago that left me with residual and continual nerve pain in my foot.  I would certainly welcome your prayers for the nerve pain to be alleviated, or better yet, eliminated.  I know my God is more than able!!  Thank you... (Surgery is May 10th)



48 comments:

  1. "Stay in your own lane." If we could only remember that all the time. I'm a fixer too. This was a great encouragement and so practical. Thanks, Bev!

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    1. Micah,
      Isn't that a great quote to remember. When I find myself tempted to cross the line and meddle....God is good to bring this to the forefront of my mind. So glad you found encouragement here :)
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  2. This is such a good & timely (for me) post. "If I can't control or fix it ... I need to wait on God." Thank you, friend! And I will be praying for you and for a successful surgery. Have it written down on my calendar to remember :) xo

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    1. Joanne,
      My dear, sweet, prayer warrior friend!! Thank you for covering me in prayer for my surgery and may we, together, leave the controlling and fixing to God! He's much better at it!!
      Blessings,
      Bev xo

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  3. I love this Scripture from Proverbs, I am still working on "trusting God with all my heart". I just keep repeating the Scripture and praying and trying to let go of worry. I do try to fix things, but as I get older, I am beginning to say more often "It's not my problem." That works for me sometimes. Thanks for the encouragement today with this post.

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    1. I'm terrible at always wanting to "understand" what is going on and when I don't I tend to worry too. This is a great scripture to quote to remind ourselves that we can rely on God's understanding of a situation and that He is always good all of the time. Glad you found encouragement here and so glad you shared in the comments!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  4. It's so easy to think waiting is doing nothing, passive in nature. But it's so active. We may not always see or feel the activity, but God is there working! Great reminder for me today!
    (And praying for your surgery to go well and bring complete relief and healing!)

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    1. Becky,
      I totally agree with you - prayer is SO powerful and definitely not passive. Sometimes when we see nothings, God is doing His greatest work. Thank you so much for your prayers for health and healing!!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  5. Unlike our "help," God's work is doing a double work. He accomplishes so much in seasons of waiting -- both in us, and in our situations. And, neither is accidental. He's used so many waiting seasons to grow me. And, like you said -- He's more than able. Isn't it so freeing when we can stop and remember that He absolutely has this?! That we can just.let.go. Ahhhh. Praise God for His abundance toward us. So glad that when we let God do the fixing, we can look back and see His glory, not our mess! ((Hug))

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    1. Brenda,
      Yes, who am I that I think God (Creator of the Universe) needs my help??? I agree, it's the seasons of waiting and no knowing that have drawn me into a close reliance and dependence on Him. This is probably true because I get to the point where there is nothing for me to do but let go and trust. I often have to repeat to myself, "God's got this!!" Joining with you in letting God do the fixing!
      Blessings and ((hugs)),
      Bev xx

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    2. I hear ya. "God's got this!" is a perfect mantra to keep on rewind! :) I know I owe you an email, friend. I've been meaning to get back to you for days, but this week has been super crazy. Will be in touch soon, friend. ((xoxo))

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  6. Oh, goodness.
    I would be such a better listener and friend if I weren't such a fixer.
    May God give us grace to see that we are not in charge of the universe, and that we need Him to intervene in situations that are beyond us.
    Thankful for you, Bev!

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    1. Michele,
      Cue Steven Curtis Chapman and the lyrics to "God is God (and I am not)". More listening....less fixing...I'm with you!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  7. Dear Bev, this is true! I gave up my fixer cape a long time ago. Whenever I feel the urge to go back and pick it, I pray for God to calm my anxious heart and grant me peace!
    How are you tody, Bev? Still in prayer for you my friend.
    I trust God to take charge over your life and health in Jesus name.
    Hearty blessings to you from Nigeria.

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    1. Ifeoma,
      So good to see your pretty face! Yes, when we feel a need to "fix" it that's our cue to go to God in prayer and ask for Him to grant our anxious heart peace! Thank you for your continued prayer...prayer through and following my surgery would be greatly appreciated!! Blessings to you sweet friend across the miles,
      Bev xx

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  8. I am a fixer by nature also. I look back on situations and see how not waiting on God has caused frustration. And then I see how God worked though all of those situations for good and His glory! I love the passage from Proverbs. Prayers for you on your upcoming surgery. May God provide complete healing for you!

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    1. Janna,
      You really have a point - when we get the urge to try to "fix", we need to look back and see how God has worked things out in the past in His way and in His timing for the best outcome and use that to give us confidence going forward....great point!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  9. Bev, you've packed so much wisdom into this post! Your Three C's resonated with me. Yes, I confess, I'm a fixer by nature too. I want to be DOING. It's so hard to WAIT for God to work and fix and heal. :) The thing I am waiting on that I have no control over is to see our sons' hearts come completely alive with love for Jesus. Only God can quicken their spirits. I'm trying to find the balance between sharing what He's doing in my life and teaching me with that urge to share God's truth as often as I can. They don't always want to hear it! So, I need to be praying more and speaking less, I think. :)

    Great post, my friend!

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  10. Jeanne,
    I had to smile at your comment about your boys. If it helps, my kids used to call me "Bible lady" because I was often quoting scripture that pertained to the situation at hand. I am learning that I can only give and example, but it's up to the Holy Spirit to quicken their spirits. Forcing the issue, as I'm sure you know, usually leads to the opposite result. Praying with and for you....
    Blessings,
    Bev xx

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  11. I appreciate your prayers, my friend. Thank you!

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  12. I'm a fixer too and I agree, it is hard to wait when we long to see change in a situation. I like the analogy of staying in your own lane. It is important to remember that God is in control and he can work in a situation without our "help". Will be praying that your surgery goes well and your pain is ended.

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    1. Lesley,
      I like that phrase too, about staying in your own lane. It is so hard to wait when we long to see change in situations, but like you said, God's got it without our "help"! Thank you SO much for your prayers they are greatly appreciated!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  13. I'm totally a fixer, and it drives my mom & stepmom nuts at times. I need to just sit back more and remember exactly what you just said. Thanks for this.
    Jodie
    www.jtouchofstyle.com

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    1. Jodie,
      Sitting back and waiting on God - a challenge for so many of us. You are in good company and we'll all work on this together.
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  14. This is such a good caution, Bev. I've had to keep an eye on this as a counselor, for fixing is not my role. And in my role as a mama and grandmama, too.

    But I am called to listen. To love. To pray. And yes, occasionally offer a few well-chosen words before I close my mouth one more time.

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    1. Linda,
      I think we believe our job as mothers is to "fix". I love what you say - we are called to listen, love, pray, and occasionally offer a few well-chosen words. Well said!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  15. I tend to want to be a "fixer" for my kids much more than for others, but all of your advice certainly applies! There's only so much I can or should do to "fix" problems for my children, and leaving them in God's hands is both the hardest and best thing to do. Thanks for sharing this important lesson!

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    1. Kym, I believe that often we do our children a disservice by continually trying to "fix" their problems. They, too, need to learn they can lean on God and trust His control and guiding. After all they were God's children before they were ours.
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  16. Loved reading your thoughts this morning! You picked a perfect scripture in Proverbs and #4 statement "God is MORE THAN ABLE to handle anyone or any situation." is so true! Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Debbie,
      So glad you found encouragement here. I have struggled with this and God is so patient in teaching me and reminding me that He is more than able.
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  17. I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it. Words I am still learning to live by. Thank you for this encouraging article today. I'm visiting from Purposeful Faith today and so happy I clicked on your link.
    Patti

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    1. Patti,
      I'm so glad you clicked on my link too - welcome to this little corner of the blogosphere. The three C's - Cause, cure, control....I need to continually remind myself that I can't do any of these things. Only God can.
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  18. I will be praying for you Bev! I hope this surgery is successful and the pain disappears.

    I think you know I am a "fixer" because I have written about it before. I agree that fixers want to be doing constantly and then we forget how to sit back during the times of waiting and trust that God is still working behind the scenes. I love your Al-Anon tips but especially your truths about God. In fact, reading that God works better alone got my attention. Yikes! I really do think I am all that at times even though relying on God always makes it better. Thank you for the perfect words for today!

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    1. Mary,
      Thank you so much for your prayers!! I'm going to need them. I've had to be reminded, too, that God often works better alone...sometimes He needs me to get out of the way so He can work. Amazing that God can do it without me> Joining with you in stepping back and waiting on God.
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  19. Such wise and memorable statements in this post: 1. I didn't cause it; I can't cure it; I can't control it. 2. Stay in your own lane. 3. God IS working in the waiting. 4. Prayer IS doing something. It's the most important thing. As I read your prayer at the end, I made it mine. Thank you, Bev, for ministering greatly to my spirit today!

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    1. Nancy,
      Like I shared...those are from Al-Anon, but such wise statements for ALL of us! When I find myself wanting to meddle, I have to say to myself, "Bev, stay in your own lane!" God's got this!! Amen, to prayer being a BIG something we can and need to do. Thank you for joining me in my prayer.
      Blessings to you sweet friend,
      Bev xx

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  20. Visiting from #tellhisstory today and I will pray for you. My 15 year old daughter had bunion surgery on both feet so I can't imagine having to go back in for another round of all of that. May the Lord guide the hand of your surgeon for your complete healing.

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    1. Angela,
      I can't imagine a 15 year old having bunion surgery. No, I am not happy at all about a second round to fix the first botched round. Thank you SO much for your prayers. I firmly believe in the power of prayer and your prayers are a balm to my soul. Thank you!!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  21. Love those 3 C's!!! Thanks for this post today, much needed!! #coffeeforyourheart

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    1. Aren't those Three C's wonderful! I have included them in my constant self-talk repertoire!! So glad you stopped by! Welcome!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  22. Ummm... yep- raising a hand over here. I've had many the disastrous "fixer" moments over the years and it takes a while to learn how to wait on God. He is able and in return makes us able but in His own timing and in His own way-- not ours! I've also heard it said that like a lifeguard can't save everybody in the pool and thus only has one assigned area to watch, we have to mind our corner of the pool. Lifting you up in prayer right now Bev that God truly would enable the surgeons to help you walk well physically again just as you are with God in your spiritual life. Blessings on you and your surgery. Here's to waiting and walking well together!

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    1. Hi Heather,
      Welcome to "Fixers Anonymous" :) I love what you say that God is able and He MAKES us able to wait on Him. I love the lifeguard analogy...I definitely need to keep my eyes on my own section of the pool and that basically means worrying about me and my relationship with God. God's got the rest covered! Thank you so much for your prayers over me and those operating. Here's to waiting and walking well together....Amen!
      Blessings and thanks,
      Bev xx

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  23. Sounds as if we are going down the "same lane" and in the same direction this week, Bev! Didn't we do this recently as well? I can't recall but I do love your topic, as you might guess! ;) Thanks for your wise words and the great illustrations that you've used to communicate these truths.

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    1. Beth,
      I think God has whispered the same knowledge and lesson to both of us at the same time, several times!! Glad you found some encouragement that builds upon what God's been teaching you!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

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  24. I prayed as soon as I read your comment on my blog. (((xo)))

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  25. Susan,
    Thank you so much. You're prayers are greatly appreciated and felt!!
    Blessings,
    Bev xo

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  26. I've been "fixer" since I was very long, something I believe stemmed from having an alcoholic father and being raised in dysfunctional home. I still adapt the wrong thinking that if there is something wrong, it's my fault and I need to fix it, especially when it comes to my family. I need to learn to relinquish control more. God is so much better at the fixing than I am. Keeping you in my prayers with regard to your upcoming surgery. Hugs!

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    1. Barbie,
      How the enemy loves to use dysfunction to put it in our heads that somehow it's our fault and thus, our job to "fix" things. As you so rightly stated, God is so much better at the fixing than we are...in fact it's not our job to "fix" anything. Praying we can stay in our own lanes and thank you so much for your prayers for my surgery.
      Blessings and ((hugs)),
      Bev xx

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I would really LOVE to hear from you!! Your thoughts, opinions, suggestions and prayer requests mean a lot to me.