Learning to Pray Deathless Prayers ~
As you may have guessed
by now, Mother’s Day looms large on my calendar. Each year it approaches,
I look for any and every excuse not to go to church on Sunday. I don’t want to
stand to be recognized, nor do I want anyone handing me a carnation, smiling cheerfully,
and wishing me, "Happy Mother's Day!” That may sound awful, but I know I'm
not alone. Maybe you are nodding in agreement?!
For many, Mother's Day
is a reminder of what isn’t — women who long to be mothers and can’t, due
to infertility or miscarriage, mothers who have lost children, children who've
lost mothers, children of addicted mothers, mothers (like me) estranged from
their children — we all might take a pass on Mother’s Day.
I know deep in my soul that everything
is possible with God. Here comes the "but." But, since I've
been praying this same prayer for years now, it often feels like it falls on
deaf ears. My spirit groans with the petition for my prodigal child and my
estranged child to return to the Lord and be reconciled with me. What happens,
I wonder, to all those prayers I've prayed? Do they simply disappear over time?
Why should I continue praying when nothing seems to be happening?
Perhaps you are an
imperfect mom like me. I know I’ve made many mistakes. I could have listened
more and talked less. I should have been less a friend and more a mentor. I’ve
literally pulled my comforter over my head and begged God to save my kids from
me, and to please fill in the gaps I’ve left open with His grace. Oh, the book I
could write on “things not to do!” Still, we tire of nursing our broken hearts.
We are weary in our marrow.
I trust the Lord knows
what He’s doing, but why did He choose me to be the mother of my two children?
Judging by the current state of our relationships, I mustn’t have done a very
good job, I surmise. I’ve dangled that “why” question, before God, on many
occasions with no answer forthcoming. One day, recently, He granted me some
insight.
It was mid-morning on a
weekday when I ducked into my “prayer closet” which doubles as the “water
closet.” Sound familiar?
“Bev, God impressed upon my
heart,“my children, whom I gave you to raise, have not been easy, but I entrusted
them to you because I knew you’d love them with your whole heart. I also knew
that you would be persistent in praying for them. You bring them before me
morning, noon, and night — day after day.” Who knew my bathroom would serve
as my Mt. Sinai? Maybe, the measure of a mother’s love is not in how well relationships
turn out, but in how long she’ll persevere when things don’t pan out so well?
When my children were
young, like Mary, I treasured these things in my heart. My desire, more than
anything, was that my kids would have an intimate relationship with their
heavenly Father. I want that for them, even more than I want them to have a
relationship with me.
"The Lord is the
everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired
or weary." (Isaiah 40:28 NIV)
Hebrews 11 is a Who’s
Who of Biblical Heroes who looked forward, with faith, to what God had promised
them. Sadly, they did not receive all the promises while they were living, but
they welcomed them, in faith, from a distance — some from beyond the grave.
“All these people were
still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised;
they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance…”(Hebrews 11:13 NIV)
Did you know that God’s
amazing strength is able to pursue our loved ones long after our earthly lives
are no more? Yes, hurting soul, it’s true. My prayers are being
perpetuated. Your prayers are being perpetuated. Because of God’s faithfulness,
the prayers we’ve placed before our Father's throne will still be there,
waiting to be answered in His perfect will and His perfect way.
Do you remember Hannah
in the Old Testament? She prayed repeatedly for a son, and when Samuel was
finally born to her, she then prayed he would serve God all his life (1 Samuel
1:28). God answered that prayer, and Samuel became one of the greatest men of
the Old Testament. Though Hannah had long since passed, God proved faithful in
answering her prayer.
E.M. Bounds, a minister
and chaplain during the Civil War had this to say about prayer:
"God shapes the
world by prayer. Prayers are deathless. The lips that utter
them may be closed in death, the heart that felt them may have ceased to beat,
but the prayers live before God, and God's heart is set on them. Prayers
outlive the lives of those that uttered them; outlive a generation, outlive an
age, outlive a world." *1
Because God holds our
prayers in His heart, He can even add years to them that exceed our lives on
earth. His, is an everlasting love that never fails. I want so much to see my
children come back to God, even if it takes longer than my lifetime. I have to
continue living by faith.
As much as I treasure my
children, God treasures them more. Their worth to God is incalculable, and so I
bring them before His throne once again. You can bring all your pain before God
who loves you. Let’s commit, together, to being annoyingly persistent. Because
we are children of God, our prayers will definitely be answered! Some may
be answered during our lifetime on earth, but certainly during our lifetime in
heaven.
This gives us hope when
the thought of being separated from a loved one for all eternity is more than
we can bear. What “deathless” prayers are you praying? Will you jot them
in the margin and pause to offer them into God’s eternal hands. If/when those
prayers come to mind again, write them in a journal and beside them write the
words, “covered eternally.”
Focus on What You Do Know to Be True ~
In my conversations with my friend after her
daughter’s passing, I longed to know how she persevered. I wanted to know why
anger hadn’t triumphed. I could only imagine how I’d be coping. You’d most
likely find me, curled in a fetal position, in the corner. My friend maintained
an amazing maturity of trust, rather than succumbing to bitterness. Yes, she
had many nightmarish moments, but grudges against God fell from her heart’s
hands like hot potatoes. I wondered if I could handle such pain with the same
measure of grace?? I listened, amazed, as my heartbroken friend, reminded
me that “God is love…He can be counted on and trusted.”
We all, like my friend, will go through stages of grief when
suffering manifests in the loss of a loved one or when a painful trial
(illness) persists.
Denial and anger refuse to consider it pure joy whenever we
face trials of many kinds (James 1:2). Wouldn’t you do just about anything to
avoid the discomfort of sitting with the loss that overwhelms you? I know I
have. It’s normal to seek to distract yourself from the pain or perhaps numb
the pain away. I’m not a drinker, but I’ve tried to drown my sorrows in sugar —
ice cream is my carb of choice. I’ve also succumbed to online spending benders.
Stuff can’t soothe our suffering.
We fall prey to blaming ourselves, or we point the finger of
blame at someone else. Then false guilt snatches us up in its camouflaged snare
because the enemy is looking to kick us when we’re down. He prowls about
seeking to destroy us with lies, false guilt, and shame. “The Creep” (as I call
him) wants to render us useless, ineffective, and morally defeated. Sadly, our
trials are the primary way through which the enemy seeks to lock us in his
crosshairs and shoot us down.
And yet, our trials are the greatest tool through which God
brushes on layer upon layer of our character.
Oh, how we want to rush the trials toward a comfortable
conclusion. But sometimes God calls us to sit, albeit uncomfortably, in our
pain — and here’s why:
Between God’s “promise” and the “payoff,” there’s a
“process.” Grief and suffering are a huge part of that “process.” We can’t
hurry it along. We can only trust God has a greater purpose for it — and that
purpose is for our good.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of
those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans
8:28 NIV)
Lean in closely and let me whisper truth to you.
When you don’t know why God allowed this horrendous grief, as my friend would
say, “You realize what you don’t know or understand, so remind yourself of what
you do know.” Bind what you know to be true about God to the
anchor of your soul. God doesn’t expect us to remain clueless in our grief. He
invites us to come to Him with our questions.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should
ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be
given to you.” (James 1:5 NIV)
I made, and keep handy, an “Emergency Kit” of
scriptures that remind me of who God is and who He says that I am. I’ve written
down key verses which speak truth to me on colorful 3x5 index cards. I punched holes
in the corners and joined them together with a carabiner. I even laminated the
cards because it’s my emergency reference to Scripture that soothes my soul. Consider
creating one for meditation and memorization. It’s simple to look up verses by
topic on www.biblegateway.com or www.biblehub.com.
Remember, you my friend, can go to God with
anything. Don’t avoid God for fear the anger will drive a wedge between you. Instead,
lean into Him. Go to Him, no, flee to Him, and crawl up into your Abba-Daddy’s
lap. Let Him comfort you and then just ask. Ask for wisdom. God may not provide
an immediate answer, but He always provides Himself. He will bless you in the
waiting and in the asking. You will receive grace and mercy in your troubles. Let
this balm of Scripture wash over you:
“Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though
outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For
our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far
outweighs them all.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-17 NIV)
I can hear your skeptical voice saying, “Now
wait just a minute, Bev. You mean to tell me that I’m supposed to count
something as tragic as losing my loved one as ‘light and momentary.’ I can’t do
that!” The only way this can happen is to ask our souls to make a humanly
impossible, seismic leap to view our trials through the lens of eternity. This
leap will require the enabling strength of Jesus and will need to be broken
into small steps over time.
Our trials — now try to grasp this with your
mind if your heart can’t go there yet — our trials will add to the joy we experience
when we see Jesus face to face. Worthy is the Lamb. Your trials, though
heartbreaking here on earth, will be redeemed with sheer joy when your eyes
lock with those of your Savior. Your tears will vanish like a bad dream when
your heart awakens to the presence of Jesus. God will not let your suffering be
in vain.
Remember the “Stages of Suffering” outlined in
Chapter 3, Wrestling With God? Now might be a good time to go back and
ascertain where you are in the progression. Don’t worry if you can’t look yet
through God’s eternal lens — it will come.
The uncomfortable mercies of God (trials, pain,
suffering) are meant to draw you into a relationship and dependence upon Him
when you get to the end of yourself. Your relationship with God can, and will,
be enough; it’s sustaining. Experiencing His love is the only thing that will
allow you to embrace and carry your pain. Being one with God is the only
reality that will get you through. God allows what He hates in order to draw
the one He furiously loves (You) unto Himself!
It’s a tough question to ask, but in our grief,
can we ask ourselves, what could God be achieving through this? Perhaps
the purpose of suffering is to shift our focus to the sole reason God created
us — to be in a loving, intimate relationship with our Him. All
other relationships are an extension of this most sacred relationship. For this
reason, Jesus refers to Himself as the Bridegroom and us (the believing church)
as His beloved Bride! When the groom and his bride are joined together, a
forever bond is formed.
In my own life, I’ve gone through seasons in
which all earthly relationships were wiped off the table (husband, father,
children, friends) and I was left with the only relationship that I could truly
rely and depend upon. Suffering was the catalyst that forever defined my
relationship with God. Everything is part of God’s equation and His equation is
always for our good and His glory.
In C.S. Lewis’ Narnia series book, The
Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, the children ask Mr. and Mrs. Beaver if
Aslan (the king and god of Narnia, who represents Christ) is safe.
Mr. Beaver responds, “’Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the
King I tell you.’” *2
“Having confidence in God’s goodness is one of
the linchpins of faith. When it is absent, our trust falters, our faith melts
away like an ice cream cone on a summer’s day, and hope flickers like the wick
at the end of a candle.”*3 – Pam Ecrement, blogger
God allows things to happen for a reason. Whether
or not we understand His reasons, we must
remember that God is good, just, loving, and
merciful. Suffering, certainly, will test our trust in this truth. All of life
is a journey in replacing the world’s lies with God’s truth. Let’s start now. Try
on this truth. Declare the Lord’s goodness and begin casting out those lies:
“Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good; sing
praise to his name for that is pleasant.” (Psalm 135:3 NIV)
Bad things are bound to happen to us that we
simply cannot understand. Instead of doubting God’s goodness, our reaction (for
our own sake) needs to be one of trusting. When we get to the dead-end of our
own understanding, we are forced to yield, to trust in God, enabled by His mercy
and grace. These verses invite us to trust in God and in His character. Claim
them when the lies come calling:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean
not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He
will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5–6 NKJ, emphasis mine)
“But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and
gracious, Slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth.” (Psalm 86:15
NAS)
So, what do you know to be true about
God’s character? Think about those qualities and perhaps offer a breath
prayer, thanking Him for His lovingkindness toward you.
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Be blessed...and thanks for reading...
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