Thursday, June 25, 2015

How God Shows Up In The Struggle

Hey Friend,

My co-teacher had left the room to make some copies and so it was just me and a room full of rambunctious four year olds.  I loved working at the preschool.  There is nothing like the arms of a preschooler wrapped around your neck and their mouse-like voice telling you with every ounce of sincerity, "I love you Miss Bev". 

Their smiles gave me hope when many days seemed just plain hopeless.  Their unconditional love spoke volumes to me while another source of love in my life had died.  Their antics and imaginations distracted me from the reality that was my life. 

My husband had left and was having an affair.  He had done the same thing ten years earlier, but we had reconciled.  But, here I was back in the hell of separation and staring a divorce squarely in the face.  Those of you who have experienced this know the pain I am talking about.  There really aren't words to describe the soul-grinder of divorce. 

To further complicate things, when stress rises, my anxiety disorder (OCD) tends to flare (nothing like the enemy kicking you when you're down).  That particular day I was exhausted, stressed, and uncontrollably anxious.  Thoughts swirled in my head that I couldn't push out.  I felt that awful rush of anxiety swell from my feet to my forehead.  Feeling hot and flushed and with tears welling up in my eyes, I knew I had to open the door and just step outside so the kids wouldn't see me crying. 

My director just happened to be walking down the hallway when I stood a few feet outside the open door.  I thought she was coming to give me a hug because she knew what I was going through.  Instead she chided me, "What are you doing outside the classroom?  You KNOW one of you has to be in the room at all times!" 

To make a long story short, a day later I was let go...fired.  I had never been fired in my life.  I had always been the good, overachieving employee.  Never the one who got fired.  It's still a blurr how I drove home that day?  I know the tears distorted the view of the road.   How could my life get any worse?  My husband was gone, my source of income that I needed to make ends meet was now gone, and hopelessness was quickly closing in on my heart. 
 


In the depth of my pain, I tried to pray, but all that would come out was a guttural, "Jesus help!"  My daughter was off at college and my son hadn't come home from high school yet and so I sat there, all alone, in the midst of my despair and sobbed.  My self-sufficient side said, "Tough it out".  The aching part of me said, "Reach out".  One by one I tried calling my "go to" people - my mom, my best friends, my counselor, my mentor - no one was picking up their phone.  In an unusual move for me, I pulled up Facebook.  Maybe one of my good college girlfriends, or friends in other states, would be on? Someone?  Anyone?

The only person on Facebook at all, in the middle of the afternoon, was Dave - a high school friend of mine.  What's he doing home in the middle of the day, I thought to myself.  Shouldn't he be working?  Maybe he's working from home?  I stared at the screen some more.  Then in my very best English major grammar, I typed something very profound..."Hey". (In the south we say "Hey" instead of "Hi").  No response. Ok, that was stupid, I thought.

Just as I was about to close out of Facebook..."Hey", flashed up on my screen.
After a few pleasantries, I just blurted out, "I got fired today."  The quiet, unassuming guy I knew in high school responded in a way so keeping with his gentle character...  "Would it help to talk?"  he replied.

That was just about five years ago.  On June 2nd, every year, we celebrate "Hey" Day.  This June 2nd was our first "Hey" Day that we celebrated as a married couple.  It turned out that Dave was home that day because he, too, had been let go - one of the casualties of a big company merger.  He, too, had been through the pain of infidelity and divorce. 

When both of us thought that life couldn't stoop any lower...God gave us each other.

There in the depths of our struggles, God showed up in a big way!


"I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you."  (John 14:18)


Not every trial can be wrapped up with a rainbow at the end.  Sometimes struggles are just that - struggles.  God allows them so that He might shape and build our character as well as draw us into His love and build our reliance and dependence on Him.

Struggles take us to the end of ourselves where the loving arms of Jesus are waiting.

It takes perseverance to build character, and perseverance is built through trials


We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.  (Romans 5:4-5)

Just recently I met with one of the area's top foot surgeons only to get the disappointing news that further surgery would probably not help with the chronic nerve pain I have dealt with for close to two years...in fact it might make it worse.

I was grieving the loss of a long held hope that a stellar surgeon may be the "fix" for my foot that I was looking for.  Still despairing one morning, I dragged myself to the gym to do the weight machines (at least the ones I could still do). 
In front of me, on a stationary bike, was a woman with a shriveled left arm and her left leg in a bulky brace.  With her good right leg she made the bike wheel spin.

Cheerily she chatted with the fellow biking beside her.  She was encouraging him about his post-surgical workout effort (yes I was eavesdropping lol).  I moved to a different weight machine and almost, as if in sync, she moved to a machine just in front of me that exercised only your arms. Though I sometimes have a slight limp, her gait was painful to watch.  Her left side, crippled from a stroke, contorted drastically as she made her way with her cane to the arm machine.  With her one good arm she made the machine go round and, as before, she chatted cheerfully with the woman beside her.

In that moment God showed up and gave me Wanda. 

I knew I had to meet her.  If anyone could have felt sorry for herself, it was her, but yet somehow she rose above it.

It came as no surprise, when I met Wanda, that she credited God for her strength and she simply said to me, when we parted,

"Bev, I just do what I can do."

Even while I was typing away, writing this post and reliving some very painful memories...God showed up.

I lifted my head from my laptop just in time to catch a beautiful yellow finch perched delicately on a pink and watermelon colored hibiscus flower in my yard.  He sat there for awhile and let me just take in the array of colors.  This was the first time I have seen this sunny yellow fellow in my yard. 

Just like Dave, just like Wanda, just like this little bird, God continues to faithfully show up in my struggles. 

In small ways and in big ways, the Creator of the Universe tells me that He sees me...and He cares.

He is "El Roi" - the God who sees.

Look around.  Has God shown up in your struggles?  If you are struggling right now - look around - is God showing you that He's there...that He sees you and that He cares deeply about you!

Dear Lord,  Thank you so much for being El Roi - the God who sees me.  Thank you that you show up in the midst of my pain and you do not leave me comfortless.  Open my eyes to see how you love me...how you delight in me.  Enable me to turn to you in my pain and simply let you hold me.  And, when I am well, help me to continue to rest and abide in you.  You are my Redeemer and Healer.  I praise you for your goodness and lovingkindness toward me.  To You be the glory.  In Jesus name, Amen.

Be blessed...


Redeemer Christian School Update:  Just a reminder that only $10/month will get one child off the streets and out of evil's path and into the school where they can find love, refuge, and hope.  Would you prayerfully consider sponsoring one child? 

Also, the one computer used by the Director and teachers has died.  They are preparing lesson plans and tests the old fashioned way, by hand.  This is tedious and time consuming.  We are setting up a special needs fund and a new computer is first on the list.  Would you consider a one time donation toward a new computer for the classroom? 

If so please send contributions to: 

Bev Rihtarchik (put RCS in the memo line)
103 Silver Lining Lane
Cary, NC  27513

**Note: RCS is not yet a formally registered 501c3 organization for tax purposes.  Legal fees needed to go through this process are cost-prohibitive at this juncture.  The children have been our first priority.

29 comments:

  1. Oh, how He loves us! What a beautiful reminder, Bev... thank you for sharing! #livefree

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Crystal,
      Thanks so much for stopping by...I'm happy to reinforce the truth that He, indeed, loves us! Praise!
      Blessings,
      Bev

      Delete
  2. This my best quote in today's blogs' reading "Struggles take us to the end of ourselves where the loving arms of Jesus are waiting".
    I am glad you met Wanda and Dave. they have something beautiful toteach us all.
    God Bless Bev and be strong!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ifeoma,
      It's always nice to see your face :) I have learned so much about God and His love for me through these experiences...I just had to share! Thanks for your encouragement!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

      Delete
  3. Bev, what a sweet story of God's provision and plan...many blessings to you ❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Beth, for popping by. Always good to see you here!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

      Delete
  4. Oh Bev, he does see. He sees every detail. He sees every ounce of pain in your foot. I praise God that he sent you Wanda. Sometimes he just wants us to know how blessed we actually are. Thank you for reminding my heart of this today. Much love to you dear one.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Also, visiting from Susan's site right now.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh Bev, this was just beautiful! I didn't know all this about you, but as I read, I could see the many ways He has proven faithful in your life and left His beautiful signature over provision. I love that you write about how He comes into our broken places…when we're most inclined to want to hide in shame, guilt, or just discouragement, but He is then very much the Lifter of our heads. P.S. I lived in Pittsburgh for a few years…met and married my husband there. Was baptized there. Coming to you from Espressos of Faith via #DanceWithJesus. Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bonnie Lyn,
      God has most definitely been the Lifter of my head. He truly shows up in our brokenness and restores hope. Always glad to meet another Pittsburgh fan :)...great city! Loved reading your post, as well, today! Thanks for popping over...
      Blessings,
      Bev

      Delete
  7. Struggles take us to the end of ourselves where the loving arms of Jesus are waiting.
    AMEN! Indeed, they are.

    Powerful post Bev. Thank you for such a beautiful post. He is good.

    Oh yea - HEY! And here's to many more Hey Days...!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susan,
      I don't know why I always have to struggle on my own until I get to the end of myself...you'd think I would have learned my lesson by now? But, Jesus in His ultimate patience is always there with outstretched arms. He is good, indeed!
      Blessings,
      Bev

      Delete
  8. Bev, what beautiful stories of how God provides people and rays of hope when we are at the end of ourselves. How faithful He is!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Janna,
      In all my struggles, the repeating theme is always God is faithful!! He has never forsaken me nor let the waters sweep over me. So glad you found encouragement here...
      Blessings,
      Bev

      Delete
  9. Bev- Thank your for telling your story so beautifully and with such honest. Praise God for His provision in your life and for your willingness to receive it! I love this line: "Struggles take us to the end of ourselves where the loving arms of Jesus are waiting." What an encouraging image! And HEY, Great post! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karen,
      Always good to welcome you here! When I do struggle, I picture myself as a tiny helpless lamb being held in the strong, protective, and capable arms of my Savior, Jesus. It truly is my "go to" image. Thanks, as always, for your encouragement!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

      Delete
  10. Oh sweet Bev - I relate to so many parts of this post. God has always shown up in my struggles usually in the form of people but I was not always aware at the time. God never leaves us even in the worst moments of our lives. I am so glad that He showed up for you on some of your darkest days and continues to do so for you right now. This is a beautiful testimony to the unbelievable love God has for all of us. Thank you for being such a breath of fresh air today. Your words have blessed me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary,
      I'm sure you know that of which I speak...I do pray that my words will be a testimony of His great love for me...for all of us! Thank you for your love and encouragement!
      ((Hugs)),
      Bev

      Delete
  11. Bev, This is just beautiful! You had me crying by "Hey Day"...I'm so encouraged to hear the ways God showed up in the middle of your struggles and am thanking Him right now for being so near to all of the circumstances of our lives. Blessings to you! #RaRaLinkup

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Angela,
      I admit I get pretty teary-eyed when "Hey" Day rolls around or when I think back on that day and the blessing that God brought into my life. Had I not been through some of the pain previously, I don't know that I could truly appreciate the blessing that is my husband! Thanks so much for stopping by!
      Blessings,
      Bev

      Delete
  12. Not really sure if my comment took first time around. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope, doesn't look like it did. But it said much about how much I loved this post and how much I love you. I will follow up with an email soon. (((hugs)))

      Delete
    2. Beth,
      Aren't computers wonderfully frustrating? Always good to see your sunny smile. I am SO thankful for your love and friendship. God has worked wonders in both our lives...to Him be the glory!
      Love and ((hugs)),
      Bev

      Delete
  13. Bev, how sweet is this story?! Love this post. Thanks for sharing. :)
    I'm sorry about your foot pain; prayers for healing for you. ((Hug))

    (P.S. ~ I just noticed at the bottom of your post the address says Cary, NC. I'm also in the triangle area. :) On the opposite side of Raleigh. Small world! :) )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brenda,
      Welcome sister southerner. I have a plaque in my kitchen that reads, "I wasn't born in the South, but I got here as fast as I could." lol. So glad you stopped by and took a moment to comment. Thank you for your prayers for healing as well!!
      Blessings to you this day,
      Bev xx

      Delete
  14. "Not every trial can be wrapped up with a rainbow at the end. Sometimes struggles are just that - struggles. God allows them so that He might shape and build our character as well as draw us into His love and build our reliance and dependence on Him." Amen! Your post gave me chills. I love the beautiful truth you share reminding me to look for all of the ways that God continues to show up! Blessings to you!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to my little corner of the blogosphere!

      Thank you so much for your gracious comment above...maybe I did learn how to write in college after all?! I may not be able to win theological arguments, but I CAN testify to how gracious God has been in my life. So glad you found encouragement here!
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

      Delete
  15. Oh Bev, what a moving story. I know the pain of anxiety disorder and nerve pain. You've been through a lot. Your transparency is refreshing. Thank you for sharing how God is always there for us.

    Blessings ~ Christy

    ReplyDelete

I would really LOVE to hear from you!! Your thoughts, opinions, suggestions and prayer requests mean a lot to me.