I have always been convinced that there is no such thing as coincidence. The events of this week convinced me even more that this is so.
My husband and I have many bookshelves in our home that are filled. We also have sixteen boxes of books in our attic. In an attempt to pare down, lighten the load, and simplify, we started going through the boxes to see which books we'd like to donate to a local charity that has a second hand bookstore.
Meanwhile, some conversations and yes, arguments have been taking place with one of my adult children over the past several weeks. Even as adults, my children take turns at making me want to pull my colored-over, gray hair out by the roots lol. I love my children with all my heart, but sometimes their behavior makes me question how much I like them at the moment.
Anyway, all of this has had me going back over my parenting in my mind. I wondered...if only I had done that differently, would they not be acting this way? If only I had been more ___________. If only I had been less ______.
Always the question:
If I had done something different then, would things be different now?
No matter what your stage of parenting, I don't know many parents who haven't been plagued by the "if onlys" at one point or another.
As I was mulling this over in my mind while sifting through books, I came across an autographed copy of John Rosemond's popular book, "Because I Said So!" John Rosemond is a columnist and widely read "authority" on child rearing and family life. My dad had given me this book when I was a young parent.
My first thought, while cradling this gift, was "If only I had taken more of his (John Rosemond's) advice to heart." My dad and Mr. Rosemond were of the same school of thought when it came to parenting...practical and no-nonsense!!
I flipped through the pages while thinking that this was a book I wanted to hold onto - for my children's children. That's when it fell out. The sheet with my father's sermon notes from a sermon given in 2001 by a Pastor Dennison. The message was (not coincidentally) entitled, "A Cure For The If Onlys".
Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at my father's words written in block print (tell tale sign he was an engineer). My dad passed away five years ago and there have been so many times when I would have loved to have been able to ask him what he'd do in a given situation. How would he handle my children?
And here in front of me was the answer to my mulling. My dad's sermon notes sitting in my hand. Now tell me that God doesn't have perfect timing??!! I felt like my dad's hand and heart were reaching down to me from above. Definitely a "God moment". I'm sharing my dad's sermon notes here with you. I hope and pray they can be a balm and comfort to your heart as they were to mine....
A Cure For The "If Onlys"
"Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers...and he brought their father a bad report about them. Now Israel (Jacob) loved Joseph more than any of his other sons because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him." (Genesis 37:2b-3)
Truth: We tend to live our lives in the PAST or in the FUTURE, but faith can only be exercised in the NOW.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)
Truth: If we trust God with the PRESENT, the PAST is gone and our FUTURE is assured.
REGRETS: WE ALL HAVE THEM
WHAT DO WE DO WITH THEM?
1. JOSEPH'S FAMILY (The Regret of FAVORITISM)
"When his brothers saw that their father loved him (Joseph) more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him." (Genesis 37:4)
Truth: God is at work through FAILURE and REGRET to fulfill His plan.
LOOK: at the stories of Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his Brothers, The Prodigal and the Elder Brother.
2. REGRETS: THEIRS AND OURS
Truth: Life is full of foolish DECISIONS.
LOOK: at Jacob's "If Onlys", Joseph's, Reuben's, Yours and mine. They range from lying, to favoritism, to adultery, to murder and more.
3. THE CURE FOR REGRET/THE "IF ONLYS" IS TO TRUST IN THE SOVEREIGNTY OF GOD.
- Believe God has a PLAN for us.
- Believe God is in CONTROL.
- Believe God can and will FULFILL His plan.
- Believe God has the POWER.
Truth: God is at work through my FAILURES and REGRETS to fulfill His plan.
LOOK: at the stories of Peter and Judas. They both denied and betrayed Christ, but God still used their failures and regrets to fulfill His awesome plan.
****************
end notes
What this tells me is that no matter how badly I screw up, no matter how many mistakes I make, no matter how many "if onlys" I have...God is STILL able to redeem them, redeem me, redeem my children, and fill in the GAPS with His love.
Our mistakes DO NOT...CANNOT thwart the sovereign will of God!
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any power, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8: 37-39)
AMEN!!
This post is dedicated to my loving dad,
Ted Senter
who waits for me and continues to look
down over me from heaven.
Thank you for this gift...
I love you dad and miss you...Happy Father's Day!
Me xoxo
ps. I will be taking some time off for some R&R and visitors from the North. I plan to be back at my laptop around the 8th of July. If you missed it, I invite you to listen in to my interview with Holly Barrett on her podcast...just click the link below or look back through the Archives for posts you may have missed...
Bev, this is amazing! LOVE moments like this where there really is no other possible explanation than God. What a wonderful sermon too...and one like you say any parent can relate to. What an amazing God we serve. Hugs to you this Father's Day, as you remember your loving Dad.
ReplyDeleteAnna,
ReplyDeleteNo other explanation...why that box? Why that book? Why this week? Because God knew I needed that message and reassurance. So glad we have an awesome and loving Heavenly Father!! I feel the love coming through your comments...((hugs)) back to you!
Blessings,
Bev xx
I love your thinking here - and the fact that you're letting us walk with you through that temptation to regret and get stuck in the past. Thanks for making that important veering turn toward truth and for taking us on the ride with you.
ReplyDeleteMichele,
DeleteYes, the temptation is always there, and the enemy would love for us to get stuck in the regrets and "if onlys". Thankfully God and my dad intervened in an awe inspiring way to get me back on track. Thanks for joining me in the journey :)
Blessings,
Bev
I love those God moments, there absolutely is no other explanation than God! And what I wouldn't give for a gift like you received. My dad passed away when he was just 41 years old, and I was 15. It will be 38 years on July 15th, and I still miss him so much. But God is so Good at putting these reminders before us that our earthly father's are with Him, watching us and waiting for the day we are so joyously reunited with them. Have a blessed weekend!
ReplyDeleteI join with you in missing our dads. I find as time goes by, I miss my dad more and more and when I find myself saying things that he used to say, I feel his presence. Lifting you up in prayer this weekend...Your dad and your Abba are watching over and loving you...
DeleteBlessings,
Bev xx
Wonderful post. And notes :) Each of the bolded truths are powerful. Printing those notes up to keep for myself as well. Thank you, Ted Senter, for continuing to teach us. Truly goes to show how our lives will continue to have effect even after we are gone. Blessings to you, Bev!
ReplyDeleteJoanne,
DeleteYour comment brought tears to my eyes. My dad sure has left a legacy and to have the gift of his wisdom and presence was truly a gift from God. So touched that his notes can bring you encouragement!!
Love and blessings friend,
Bev
((Hug)) Sweet memorial to your dad today, Bev. Parenting does seem to expose us to the disease of "If only," doesn't it? It's always good to be reminded that we're feeling the same things others are feeling...and that God works inside of our 'mistakes', weaving His plan along the way. Hope you have a great break, friend. Look forward to your return. I've just gotten back into town from a break myself. Let's plan another get-together once you're all settled back in and rested. :) ((xoxo))
ReplyDeleteBrenda,
DeleteThank you, as always, for your encouraging remarks. We are definitely not alone when we get a case of the "if onlys". God, as you said, weaves our mistakes into His ultimate plan for good. Yes, we need to get together soon...I miss you!
Blessings,
Bev xx
“If I had done something different then, would things be different now?” Yes, I have asked myself that question before too, not only with my parenting, but in many areas. But you’re so right with the truths you share: we live in the now and God has redeemed all our past. Good luck paring your books. I need to do that again too. Never an easy task!
ReplyDeleteLisa,
DeleteI maybe at the book paring project for awhile. I wonder what other treasures I might find?? You're right, the "if onlys" apply to many other areas of life beyond parenting. God can use all our mistakes in His sovereign and perfect will for our lives.
Blessings,
Bev
What a moving tribute to your Dad, Bev.
ReplyDeleteWhen I am tempted to think of the if-onlys in my life, I look around me, and know that prefering what might have been is a renunciation to the good that remains.
Case in point, Bella. She's a little 10-lb terrier whose back was broken, and who was tossed into a ditch to die. If I hadn't gotten sick, if I hadn't lost my career, my wife and I would not have been driving down the road where barbara spotted her, trying to keep her head above water.
And my wife would not have found the career that is letting her truly bloom.
I can live with this.
Here from Inspire Me Monday.
http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2016/06/your-dying-spouse-169-rain-check.html
Andrew,
DeleteThanks so much for stopping by!! What a beautiful statement "Prefering what might have been is a renunciation to the good that remains." Wise words of wisdom for me to tuck away my friend. Love the story about Bella...case in point!
Blessings,
Bev
Bev I absolutely loved this story. God is so sovereign, isn't He? He knows what we need before we say it. He is a good God and I loved how he met you in this story. Thanks so much for sharing as I am currently a young parent and can truly glean from your cure for the "if onlys" . I know your father would be so proud of you. Be blessed. - Kia
ReplyDeleteKia,
DeleteLike my dad, I highly recommend John Rosemond's book, "Because I Said So!" Every night when I tucked my children in bed, I would ask God to fill in the gaps where I came up short that day...He was always faithful.
Blessings,
Bev
Love your story. I love how God gives us what we need, right when we need it. I'm so glad you shared it... and your father's sermon notes! What a gift. It's a blessing to follow you at Holly's this week. Enjoy your time off!
ReplyDeleteJulie,
DeleteIt was such a gift to me...still brings tears to my eyes!! God's timing is impeccable!
Blessings and thanks for popping by!
Bev
I love how your dad continues to teach you even after he is gone. I know my mom does the same for me from heaven. But your advice for the "if onlys" is just perfect. Focusing on the now is a great reminder that God is here with us in the present and desires to walk each step with us. Thank you for faithfully using God's word to teach and remind us of His faithfulness. I pray you have a wonderful time of relaxation.
ReplyDeleteMary,
DeleteI feel and know my dad's presence in so many ways. From hearing myself quote some of his famous one liners, to finding his sermon notes in this book. So thankful that God gives me little reminders that my dad is with Him in heaven, buy loving me still here on earth. Thanks for your prayers and well wishes...
Blessings,
Bev xo
Such a "coincidence." ;) Visiting from Jennifer Lee's.
ReplyDeleteSusan,
DeleteYes, coincidence ;)...definitely a God thing!! He brings me little reminders all the time. I just have to have my eyes open to see. Thanks for popping by Susan!
Blessings friend,
Bev
What a beautiful God-incident to find your father's sermon notes! Your dad and my dad sound like two peas from the same pod--John Rosemond would make three. (I heard him speak, perhaps fifteen years ago and often read his columns. Such common-sense wisdom!) When our children were eight, six, and three, I mentioned to my dad that I was concerned about finding the middle of the road in child-rearing. I didn't want to be too strict and foster rebellion later, nor did I want to be too lenient and raise self-centered, uncontrolled brats! Dad reassured me: "The road is wider than you think." I remembered those words often as I made mistakes and downright failed to do the right thing by my children. Praise God he built resiliency into our charges! All three of our children have turned into law-abiding, productive, God-fearing citizens. P.S. I hope your R & R will include some restful moments at your piano! :-)
ReplyDeleteNancy,
DeleteI love your father's quote!! Sounds like our father's were not only peas in a pod, men if great wisdom!! I so appreciate you sharing your insights here and hopefully I'll get a chance to tickle the ivories lol.
Blessings sweet friend,
Bev xx
Hi Bev ... the enemy must love tossing those endless 'if onlys' our way ... our focus becomes backward, our spirits get discouraged, and we forget Who we trust.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this piece ...
Linda,
DeleteOh he's an expert I'd say...having gone many rounds with the "if onlys" never leaves better than when I started. It's truly an exercise in futility. We can get stuck in our past, or we can use it to propel us forward. Choosing the latter.
Thanks sweet friend,
Bev xx
Well said. I bade farewell to if onlys. God is in control of my life and nothing can thwart His eternal purposes. I may have screwed up. But, He's able to turn my mess into a message. No more, if onlys'. I'm done with them.
ReplyDeleteJane,
DeleteAMEN! Couldn't have said it better myself...my mess into a message...love this! Throw the "if onlys" out the door and slam it shut!
Blessings,
Bev
Bev, this is absolutely wonderful! I love it when God is so blunt with His love for us. This is something I needed to read right now, and I am texting it to my hubby who needs it too. We want to please God so much but beat ourselves up sometimes when we mess up. I am all about hope and this certainly spoke hope to me today, thank you!
ReplyDeleteMeg,
DeleteYou sound somewhat like me...I want to please God so much that I set unrealistic expectations on myself and then beat myself up when I don't meet them. I don't believe that's how God wants us to live. Christ came to be perfect for us so that we could live in freedom. So glad you found comfort here...it sure comforted me!
Blessings,
Bev
Amen! I love that cure for the "if only"'s: the SOVEREIGNTY of GOD. How precious that you have such a valuable heritage in your dad.
ReplyDeleteBetsy,
DeleteYes, indeed I do! I take heart that God's sovereignty trumps any mistakes I may make! Have a good weekend...be safe!
Blessings,
Bev
It made me smile to pop over to Jennifer Dukes Lee's blog and see you featured! :) Miss you, friend. xoxo
ReplyDeleteIt made me smile to pop over to Jennifer Dukes Lee's blog and see you featured! :) Miss you, friend. xoxo
ReplyDelete