As I sit here...not able to do much because I am halfway through six weeks of non weight bearing recuperation after a surgery...a surgery performed to repair or make right an unsuccessful surgery on the same foot, I can't help but be frustrated.
Now add in a bad fall on crutches (hate those things), battles with my OCD, and the mere feel of clothes on my back driving me crazy because I have a bad case of shingles and yes, I am wondering what next?
I've tried to stay busy with Redeemer Christian Foundation work, but when you simply can't walk at all, days can get long and cumbersome. Add in the other stuff, and I admit asking God, through tears, "Why me?"
I have to say when I read this passage in 1 Corinthians 4: 9-13, it resonated with me. Here Paul is speaking to the church at Corinth about the Apostles' example of humility.
For I think God has displayed us, the apostles, in last place, like men condemned to die: We have become a spectacle to the world and to angels and to men. We are fools for Christ, but you are wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are distinguished, but we are dishonored! Up to the present hour we are both hungry and thirsty; we are poorly clothed, roughly treated, homeless; we labor, working with our own hands. When we are reviled, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we respond graciously. Even now, we are like the world's garbage, like the dirt everyone scrapes off their sandals.
Lately, I feel a little bit like a fool for Christ. I spend a lot of time working for the good of those who are persecuted, yet here I sit disabled while those who pursue selfish desires walk freely about the streets.
I write so that the world may know Christ, but I am reviled by some and endure slander. Some days I truly feel like "the dirt everyone scrapes off their sandals."
A couple of good friends have reminded me of some truth as I have occasionally gotten stuck in useless self pity...
1. For those who persevere God has a special job in Heaven.
When we get to Heaven we won't simply be sitting on clouds strumming harps, there will be jobs to do and God will reward those who have been good stewards in this world and who have been steadfast through trials.
2. If you are persecuted, it means you are doing God's work and the enemy is threatened and will come after you with a vengeance.
Just like the disciples, who were doing God's work and building His Kingdom, were persecuted, so will we be persecuted. The enemy will stop at nothing to thwart holy progress. If you are persecuted, chances are it means you are making a difference.
3. There are, indeed, great blessings for those who are steadfast in times of trial.
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him. (James 1:12)
Truth is, we may not see the rewards in this lifetime, but as I've gotten older, I've adopted a more eternal perspective. What I'm doing, how I'm living, why I'm hanging in there when all seems lost is for the crown of life which does not come this side of heaven.
But...O, what joy will be mine when I stand before the throne and pray I hear the words, "Well done good and faithful servant."
Meanwhile, I'll endure these trials for they are but a blink of an eye in the big scheme of things. These trials build in me compassion, and caring, and a desire to encourage others - and that's not a bad thing at all.
In fact, trials are necessary, in God's economy, in order to mold us into the likeness of Christ. So, in this, I will rejoice!
In fact, trials are necessary, in God's economy, in order to mold us into the likeness of Christ. So, in this, I will rejoice!
Are you currently enduring a trial? What do you think God would have you learn from it? Do you believe He is always present with you and will see you THROUGH and not leave you stuck? If you haven't already...call out to Him. He will uphold you with His righteous right hand.
Dear Heavenly Father, please forgive me when I wallow in self pity. Help me to know that there is blessing amidst the suffering. Enable me to know and experience your constant presence. Encourage me that these trials are not wasted - that you are building in me character for the eternal role you want me to play. Build a hedge of safety around me so that the enemy cannot keep me from doing your work. Keep my eyes focused on you so that I may be steadfast and ultimately be blessed with the crown of life. From my trials, let me learn compassion, love, and caring and give others the gift of encouragement in their hour of need. I ask all these things in the name of Jesus, Amen.
Be blessed...
ps. Thanks to all of you who have prayed for me, sent notes of encouragement, and gone out of your way to let me know that I am cared about. I am truly grateful!! You are blessings amidst the trials!
Bev, it is so hard to be laid up when there is so much waiting to be done. May this time somehow reveal to you things you may have overlooked for RCF if you were up and going. May God reveal His thoughts and plans to you as you are in this time of "being still". {{hugs!}}
ReplyDeleteJoanne,
DeleteOh yes, God has been whispering in my ear - now that He has my undivided attention. Some good ideas for RCF are coming and He is also helping me see the blessings amidst this mess...Thanks for the ((hugs))
Blessings and ((hugs)) back to you,
Bev xx
Just thinking about non-weight-bearing recuperation makes me claustrophobic. Thanks for giving your mind over to positive and productive pursuits like this truth-filled post! Blessings to you, Bev, and continuing to uphold you in prayer. I do love bumping into you over at the (in)courage site!
ReplyDeleteMichele,
DeleteWe're bumping into each other all over the blogosphere lol. I do have to admit the walls have been closing in on me a bit!! Thanks for your continued prayer and supporting me in my ramblings here.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Sorry things have been so tough. Praying for you, that you know God with you, helping you through these trials.
ReplyDeleteLesley,
DeleteThank you, truly, for the prayers!! God is certainly helping me through these trials through the kindness of friends and the loving and patient care of my hubby!! I am blessed!
Blessings,
Bev xx
I know self pity isn't what we should concentrate on, Bev...but I do think there are times it's necessary!! A short time, and then it feels better! Because those issue are annoying!
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of love and healing!! Besides, we are only human!
Jodie
www.jtouchofstyle.com
Jodie,
DeleteOh, I've had a few royal pity parties...who hasn't?? Yes, getting it out of your system is cathartic - at least for me it is. Thanks for popping by and your well wishes!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Oh my. Your comment over at my blog about joining me in diving into God's delights, even in the midst of trials, takes on new meaning after reading YOUR post, Bev! You are indeed finding the blessings amidst the suffering. But may God answer our prayers for healing and restoration SOON. P.S. I had shingles four or five years ago. The medication helped tremendously; the worst was over in a few days. May you experience the same!
ReplyDeleteNancy,
DeleteI'm certainly trying....some days I succeed more than others. Unfortunately I didn't get the antiviral med until several days in, so I can't say that it has helped much. I am cautiously optimistic that the symptoms are lessening, finally, and I will soon be on the upswing! Thank you so much for your prayers. I feel them!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Hi Bev,I hope you feel better soon.I will pray for you.Thank you for your encouraging post!I've struggled with OCD,social anxiety disorder,and depression since I was 11.I'm 27 now.I have no friends where I live,but I do consider my sweet dog Bandit a friend and a family member.Please pray I start to feel a lot more hopeful,and brave.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
DeleteI just want to encourage you that even though the anxiety says, "You can't do this." God goes with you and it's in HIS strength that you can. I know the enemy piggy backs on anxiety disorders, but try to weigh his lies (you can't) against God's Truth which says, "You CAN!" Practice in the small stuff with baby steps. Each little victory helps you trust God and know He'll always go with you. Take hold of His righteous right hand. Praying for you sweet sister. Thank you for sharing. Even with OCD, we can be more than conquerors!!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Oh dear Bev! Praying you get well soon. I imagine just sitting and not able to move around 😏
ReplyDeleteThank you for the inspiring thoughts we need to remember when going through trials.
God bless friend
Ifeoma,
DeleteThe walls have been closing in on me. Thankfully got a good report from the doctor today. Hopefully not too much more of this lack of mobility. Thanks for your prayers!!
Blessings,
Bev xx
This is beautiful. Pouring out your heart so openly teaches us all of the power of God. He is present not just in the good times but our trials as well. Your words are timely for me and your prayer is perfect for me. Praying for you as you continue to heal. Love you friend!
ReplyDeleteMary,
DeleteYes, God is so present in the trials (as I'm sure you already know). I also see how it is crucial to go through trials if we are to grow up into the Head which is Christ. Thank you for your continued prayers...they are felt!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Oh, I am so sorry for all the things you are going through, Bev. :( I’ve wondered if I should get the shingles vaccine because I definitely don’t want the shingles. Praying that you recover quickly from all your maladies! May the Lord send you special grace because of the way you are seeking him through all of this.
ReplyDeleteLisa,
DeleteLet me give that a resounding "YES" to the shingles vaccine. I would not wish this on anyone!! I've been calling out to the Lord and, as always, He is gracious to answer. It's been a lot, but is teaching me dependence and reliance upon Him.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Awww, Bev. I'm sorry to read of your trials. It's hard being laid up, and when symptoms and situations compound our sense of limitedness, it's hard. But I love how you are choosing to see beyond the physical circumstances and look at it all with God's perspective. Your choosing Him is a beautiful, encouraging testimony. Keep working for Jesus and being still before Him, my friend. I'm praying for you today.
ReplyDeleteJeanne,
DeleteI'm trying. Some days I succeed and some days have been major meltdown days. This down time has really given me an opportunity to spend time in His Word and to really think and dream about what we can do with Redeemer Christian Foundation. Trying to make the idle time worthwhile. Thank you so much for the prayers!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Oh Bev ... this is a long road to recovery, scattered disappointments and discouragements along the way, for sure. I'm praying for you even as we speak, am trusting that when all is said and done you will have experienced His mercies, His kind grace.
ReplyDeleteMay your writing soothe your spirit and connect you to Him and to those who love Him.
Linda,
DeleteThank you so much for your sincere prayers. I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I won't lie, it's been a long, hard road. But, God. But, God has been faithful at every turn. I have and I'm sure I'll continue to experience is wonderful mercies!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Oh Bev, I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I know God is close to you. He will continue to strengthen you. He understands your frustration. I am praying for you my friend!
ReplyDeleteBarbie,
DeleteI do know that God is close...I have felt His calming presence through this whole ordeal. Thank you so much for your prayers and friendship!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Hi Bev,
ReplyDeleteWhat you said was so encouraging. Thank you! I deal with a lot of chronic challenges and it is good to know that I am not alone overcoming this.
Stay strong and encouraged! Don't lose hope! :-)
Maria,
DeleteChronic pain and challenges are kind of like the thorn that Paul had in His side. God did not take it away so that Paul would know that God's grace is sufficient. You are NOT alone and God is right there for you too! Reliance and dependence on Him is a good thing.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Praying for peace in your recovery today, Bev. Visiting from #chasingcommunity.
ReplyDeleteSarah,
DeleteThanks for popping over and for the prayers...they are felt!!
Blessings,
Bev xx
I hope my special job is a peaceful one! I, too, feel like life's been a whirlwind the last few years. Thanks for this reminder to remain steadfast. The ministry of life is worth the occasional pain, isn't it? -- Hope you're beginning to feel better by now. I think I'm having a flare-up of shingles again myself. I think I might have escaped a full-blown case though. I haven't been scratching it, so it hasn't spread farther. I hope yours goes away soon. I hate taking those steroids. ((hug)) Praying this is your last trial and you're on the mend. ((HUG))
ReplyDeleteBrenda,
DeleteI'm so sorry you have occasional flare-ups of shingles....how awful!! It IS hard to remain steadfast sometimes and I do have my share of breakdowns and "Why me?" sessions with God. In His Word He tells us we will have pain, but yes, sometimes it comes in doses bigger than we can bear by ourselves. That's where His grace and our dependence come into play. Thanks for your prayers and servant's heart sweet friend!
Blessings,
Bev xoxo
Bev - I have been reading your blog for awhile - and have just not taken the time to comment. However, I just wanted to say that I will certainly be praying for you. What a lot you are enduring....all at the same time. Just one of those trials would be plenty! Such a blessing to have friends with wise counsel and encouragement! Surely there are blessings to us when we persevere - and God certainly gives us exactly what we need. One day at a time. Praying that you will feel stronger - and more comfortable - every morning. Thanks for taking the time to continue to blog. God bless - Jennifer
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
DeleteI won't lie - it's all been a bit too much. I am blessed to have friends with wise counsel. I think we all need those for times like these. There have been many blessings through this time and I am trying to stay focused on those. Thank you SO much for your prayers. They truly bless me and thanks for taking the time to comment too!
Blessings to YOU,
Bev xx
Bev, I have been praying for you since I first started reading your blog a few weeks ago. Shingles are terrible. Several of my friends had them. One person, from my support group, was able to get the shingles shot while she currently had shingles. Hopefully, your doctor can do the same for you.
ReplyDeleteThus far, I have been unable to reply to any of your posts, so we'll see if this one works. :-) According to the time on your last comment, you were up during the wee hours of the night. But, you were not alone. God was with you (Psalm 27:10, Hebrews 13:5) and He is still with you. Praying you get some good, restorative rest today. -From Erin @ burdenfreecaregiving.com
Erin,
ReplyDeleteYour post worked...Yay! I know, they don't make it easy and I've tried, but I'm not very tech savvy lol. Thank you so much for your caring heart. Yes, shingles are awful - especially is you get a bad case of them, which I did. I got the antiviral med, but I was already about halfway through and so it didn't so much. They just had to run their course. I still took the medicine so as to prevent lingering problems. I would HIGHLY recommend to those eligible to get the vaccine. Shingles are not something you want to get!! I am doing much better foot, shingles, fall and all. Hoping for a good report and green light on the 20th so I can begin trying some weight bearing. Thank you for your sweet prayers - they are felt.
Blessings to you,
Bev xx